Sabbatical

{suh-bat-i-kuh-l} From the Greek sabbatikos, meaning of the Sabbath. 1. Pertaining to the Sabbath 2. Pertaining to a time of rest. 3 Any extended period of leave from one’s customary work, especially to rest or to acquire new skills or training etc.

“Sabbatical’ is not a word that comes up in everyday conversation all that often, particularly in this country with its culture of long work periods and limited time off. It may not seem that way to some folks but compared to our European friends we are an overworked and overwrought society that doesn’t spend near enough time rejuvenating the body and mind. That may explain why our society tends to rely on psychiatric drugs, self-help books, Dr. Phil, and other goofball therapists more than any other society on the planet. Perhaps we’re driving ourselves little nuts buy not taking a break to allow ourselves a chance to re-think, and reorder our priorities, as well as rest and heal the body from time to time.

The word “sabbatical” has been spoken many times a day in our household over a period of several months. My wife Lee works for an organization that allows its upper management staff an eight-week sabbatical every seven years. She works for Catholic Charities as the Director of a large Child Care and Family Center. I’m very aware that in this country a sabbatical is not all that common and she is very fortunate to have that benefit as part of her work compensation. I wish more companies and organizations would provide that opportunity to their staffs- they would find the benefits to the organization would far outweigh the costs. But unfortunately most American employers can’t see past the next fiscal quarter, so the thought of a long-term investment in staff doesn’t get much play.

Lee’s sabbatical has come to an end now and she has returned to her job. I wanted to share some of my observations of her sabbatical and the way she has handled it. In doing so, I think I might be able to pass along some of the lessons she learned and that we’ve spoken about over the course this experience. To set the stage, I’ll tell you that her employer imposes no rules or expectations upon their staff when they approve sabbaticals. That is, they allow their staff the freedom to use the time as they see fit. Of course, the first image that might come to mind is to just do nothing, relax and enjoy time off, as a way to spend eight weeks of additional paid leave. If she had chosen to do that it would have been just fine with her bosses- but she didn’t do that. Instead, Lee chose another (and I think) much more productive way to use this incredible gift of the Sabbatical.

Her method was to plan well in advance for how she would use that time in a way that would lead to self-improvement and create a more satisfying work experience upon her return from her sabbatical. Lee had been feeling like she was losing some of her enthusiasm for her job after being at it for so long. In truth I think all of us have had that feeling from time to time where we just believe that the challenge or the fun has gone out of the job we used to love. Some might call it burn-out. Lee was feeling that way. So going through a very thoughtful planning process and making intentional, conscience decisions about how the spend the eight weeks was absolutely the right way to approach her sabbatical. The months of preparation also gave her the added benefit of not wasting the time due to lack of preparation. Even though eight weeks sounds like a long time- it can go by surprisingly fast.

Lee has always felt like she wasn’t the most creative person in the world, so she decided to use her sabbatical working on the issue of creativity. I wonder how many of us would face the prospect of eight-weeks off by going directly at an area that would really challenge us to do the hard work of altering something fundamental about ourselves. Again, this goes to show you that she was determined to use this time for a real accomplishment. In preparation she spent a good deal of time before her sabbatical started doing research and creating a reading list of books and articles dealing with the subject of creativity. She  was also determined that in order to make the most of this opportunity, she should establish a routine about how her days would be spent. She looked in to the class schedules at the gym we belong to and decided to engage in some physical pursuits that she had not attempted before. In essence she established a daily schedule that encompassed both physical and intellectual exercise- and she stuck to it.

When to big day finally came Lee was ready to embark on her sabbatical with the intent of making some meaningful changes to invigorate her work life and add to her personal growth. Part of the first week was spent with her sister at the lake, as a way to make a clean break from the routine of work and clear her head of the details that so many of us tend to live by in our busy work days. Aside from having some good quality time with her big sis, this very intentional move really allowed her to cleanse her mind of the rigors of the workplace and become more open to learning new things. And, of course she took no calls or e-mail from work during the course of the whole sabbatical. The next few weeks went as planned. There was no sleeping in. Lee got up early to have a good breakfast and begin looking over materials she would study later. Then it was off to the gym for a couple of hours. Typically the first hour there would involve some kind of very vigorous exercise followed by Yoga. When not doing her own aerobic routine she would take a step-aerobic class, a fitness and weight-lifting class or even Zumba. Having never practiced Yoga she really got into it -and is now totally dedicated to the practice. Afternoons were spent both reading and writing. Lee moved through her reading list learning as much as she could about the creative mind and the creative process. She learned that part of that process came from expressing one’s self during the learning phase. So journaling and writing to and for herself became an invaluable tool in the process.

Creativity itself can be kind of nebulous thing if viewed from the point of view that says creativity can only be expressed in the production of a creative object. We usually think of creativity in the production of a work of art, some craft  we master, or some new invention. What she learned, and what I share with you now is that creativity is best expressed in new ways of thinking. Both her study of the subject, and her own intuition took her in a new direction of defining creativity, and in doing so, opened up new possibilities that she had not considered before. There is no way I can  encapsulate all of her study on this subject into this essay. But, I will summarize by saying that the creative mind is not one that must always produce the previously unimagined and unique innovations- creativity is the art of making connections in the world around us that most people do not allow themselves to make.  Creative people see things and ideas through a different lens and synthesize those things in ways most of us don’t dare allow ourselves to attempt. The good news from her experience and study is that we can all be more creative if we take the time make a conscientious effort to think about things in new ways. Most of us get stuck in observing the world, our lives, and our work through a set of preconceived, self-imposed rules known as paradigms. Challenging our own assumptions and permitting ourselves to have a different view enables us all to be more creative.

Lee used her new-found understanding of this process to make some changes that will help keep the process going, even as she moves back into the work world with all its daily challenges. Here are some examples of how she is continuing the creative process she began during her sabbatical. She revamped her work space to remove the big desk and create more comfortable seating in her office. Conferences with parents and staff are a big part of her day, so making a better environment, more open and inviting for communication will foster more creativity among those she sees and herself. She has challenged her staff to break their old paradigms and begin thinking more creatively about how to teach children, and not be afraid to try new ways to educate. She has tackled a few of the problems that met her upon her return with far different approaches than she ever attempted before. On the personal side of things she has made some of those physical activities she began during her sabbatical a part of her lifestyle and arranged the time to do it because she has decided it's important for her health and happiness.  In truth her study of creativity has led to recreating herself- and that kind of creativity has benefits in all other aspects of life.

I’m taking some inspiration from her sabbatical experience. I don’t get an actual sabbatical from my employer but that doesn’t mean that I can’t make conscience decisions to reflect on my life and my work in new ways. Once we decide that we can act or think differently-half the battle is won. As part of my new way of doing things I’ve decided that I’m going to revisit some old activities and pursue them in new ways. I will not spend quite so much time writing (these essays) as I have been, and I will be spending more time with my old friends photography and painting, along with a couple of new activities I picked up over the last few years. These blog entries will come less frequently. I’m going to seek out relaxation and recreation in new areas I haven’t tried before. I’m inspired to keep learning new things. I’m absolutely convinced that to maintain health and vigor one must decide we’re never too old learn or evolve. I don’t intend to stay stagnant and ignore the nearly infinite possibilities out there to explore. These are the lessons I learned from Lee’s sabbatical- and most importantly I learned that we are our own best creation, and we should all endeavor to nurture it.   

Thanks for looking in.

 

Facing The Pain of Rape

The title might suggest that I know something about facing the pain of rape. The fact is that I cannot speak authoritatively on this subject. But I recently had an experience that brought me in to contact with a group of dedicated professionals who face the pain of rape on a daily basis. I came away from that experience with a more profound respect for people who have the strength to deal with these painful, tragic, and traumatizing events because it is there chosen profession.

I was privileged to get this experience in a rather round-about way, so please indulge me while I tell the story about what led me to meet this group of people. First you need to understand that my journey to this meeting is truly a family affair. Let’s start with my daughter. In spite of my repeated warnings, she ended up following in the old man’s footsteps and sought her education and her profession in the field of Social Work. You see, I’ve been in this profession myself for the last 37 years. During her college days and just after graduating my daughter Erin gravitated to working with government and non-profit agencies that served victims of domestic violence. She is now a real veteran of those services herself, having spent 15 years as a professional social worker and manager for these types of human services. About a year ago she became the Director of the SAFeT Response Team (Rape Crisis) at Lutheran Community Services Northwest. Lutheran Community Services is the designated agency in our area (population about 400,000) to respond to rape victims at the time of first contact with law enforcement or the hospitals after a sexual assault. Her team also provides support and advocacy for victims though the menagerie our the legal system. Other sections of her agency provide on-going treatment and psychological help.  

Being a supportive boss Erin recognized that some of her folks were beginning to suffer the emotional and physical problems that people sometimes suffer from daily exposure to horrendous events like rape. In a conversation with her mom a couple of months ago, Erin began to talk about finding resources to help her staff deal with the nearly inevitable effects of seeing traumatized victims on a daily basis. There are clinical terms for this condition, but I’ll discuss those later. This is where I enter the picture. Erin’s mom (my wife) suggested that it might be useful to have me address this group and share some of my limited wisdom with them. For 29 of my 37 years as a social worker, I worked in Child Protective Services or closely related child welfare services. That kind of work has its share of exposure to truly unpleasant aspects of human behavior and pain too. Since I hadn’t gone completely insane from it, my wife thought I might be able to relate to the work Erin and her staff do, and perhaps pass along some helpful advice. I mildly protested at first knowing that I am not an expert on self-care for rape victim advocates. But in the end I agreed to meet with staff at Lutheran Community Services and conduct a discussion about professional longevity and self-care for professionals who deal in constant human victimization and trauma. And that is my journey to meeting with these extraordinary people.

I won’t go into the all the specifics of our discussion. I had been asked to do this based on my personal experiences and lessons learned over a long career, but I also did a fair bit of research on the subject (admittedly) because of my huge fear of making a fool of myself in front of my daughter and her staff. It’s one thing to be supportive to your own kid, but quite another to make a real presentation to a group of professionals that she happens to lead. So the presentation blended those personal aspects of my career with what I had learned from the literature on the subject. I think it went OK.

I’m grateful to have had the experience because I got to learn new things myself, and because it gave me the chance to really focus on this world my daughter and her colleagues have chosen. It seems strange in some ways that my own daughter and I can have this kind of collaboration as we delve into the world of rape and horrible episodes of sexual assault. When they are little kids you just never imagine that any of those parent-child connections will involve such heinous aspects of life. (weird) But they grow up and have adult jobs. In truth, her mom and I are so very proud of how both of our daughters have turned out to be fully realized adults- making great strides in their respective professions.

What is now also a professional association with Erin led to me her entire team, and gave me the incredible opportunity to share some thoughts. The first impression from meeting those folks was to sense (in them) the violence and trauma that their clients face. As I said above, I could never really appreciate the level of distress and victimization sexual assault victims experience. I had  exposure to these issues working in CPS- but nothing like the up-close and personal investment these brave individuals make to assist victims. They and their colleagues are literally there as the tears are still falling;the fear, horror, rage and confusion of rape is sinking into the marrow; and the sense of powerlessness permeates the very souls of rape victims. I realized how truly difficult it must be to do this work and to risk becoming traumatized themselves from the sheer weight of these daily tragedies. But that’s what we were there to talk about. So we discussed their personal victories and struggles to remain whole and healthy. We talked candidly about what the literature on this subject calls Secondary Trauma, Vicarious Trauma, and Compassion Fatigue. These are real experiences and real emotions clinically associated with doing the work they do. The symptoms of these unchecked conditions are similar to the stress-related symptoms (both physical and emotional) civilians might feel in an active, brutal war zone. Many times those who advocate and care for rape victims develop the same insecurities about the world that the victims themselves develop. It is called “the cost of caring”.

It takes very special people to do this work and I was honored to have their attention for a while to talk about the reality of a life spent in the midst of other people's pain. I was so moved by their openness about what it is really like for them and grateful that I could share just a few of the lessons I learned along the way. I won’t go into the details of our discussion on how to survive this kind of work, but I will say that each one there was keenly aware of the dangers this work creates for them and their families. Each one there realized they needed to care for themselves in order to continue the work they do. I’m confident each one will be there to show fierce compassion for the next rape victim they will meet.

The other major notion that occurred to me after this meeting was the profound and deeply troubling fact that rape victim advocates are still so badly needed. It was the 1970’s when social scientists, women’s rights activists, and legal authorities began to recognize that rape victims were being re-victimized by the legal system itself. I no longer call it the “justice system” because I know it’s rarely about justice. More than forty years have passed since these issues came to the forefront of our thinking about the crime of rape. But our system clearly has a long way to go in truly treating rape victims like victims, instead of treating them like accomplices to their own victimization. I admit it's probably better for sexual assault victims now than it was 40 years ago, but we are long way from real reform in dealing with these crimes. It just might be that our legal system has just gotten better at masking the institutional misogyny that permeates courts and other segments of our culture. Only this week a Judge in Montana made headlines by giving a teacher guilty of raping a 14 year old child a ridiculously light sentence because he believed the 14 year old girl contributed to her own rape. (And by the way that child committed suicide over the incident.) The Judge has since apologized for his comments, when confronted with a national tidal wave of criticism- but he didn’t change his ruling! He exposed what was in his heart-and too many other hearts. He exposed the reason why so many women never report rape- and he most definitely exposed why we still need rape victim advocates to protect the dignity and rights of victims in our legal system. There still seems to be a lingering, deep seated strain in us that views women and any hint of female sexuality (not that rape is actual sexuality) as corrupt or corrupting- giving some of those in “the system” reason to believe, in the recesses of their minds, rape victims were asking for it. Even though many States have Shield Laws, there are always the subtle questions of blame: What was she wearing? Why was she there? Did she lead him on? Who else is she having “sex” with. Those indignities may not be so blatant in our Courts these days- but they happen in criminal investigations, and behind the scenes all the time. 

Our religious traditions and cultural heritage have always held women to a lower status by making them somehow ultimately responsible for the humility and suffering inflicted upon them. Consider the biblical story of Adam and Eve. It was Eve who was the temptress- causing the corruption of Adam and therefore all men as the fable goes. Throughout our literature and folklore it is always the woman who uses her “feminine wiles” to lead men to wrongdoing. The list includes Eve, Medea, Bathsheba, Jezebel, Medusa, Lady Macbeth, and Lolita (an image that Montana Judge surely conjured from his subconscious- he as much as said so).  The portrayals of evil embodied in feminine characters are all (strangely) the constructs of men seeking to define "woman" as the source of all trouble. With this cultural heritage it is no wonder that women, children, and all victims need all the help they can get to deal with the crimes against them, and a system that often devalues and blames them.

I came away from my meeting with Erin and her team thankful that they are there to do the difficult work of facing the pain of rape every day in service to the women and children they help. There is no way to adequately express what they themselves go through in doing this work, but they deserve our heartiest support, deepest gratitude and respect.

To the SAFeT Response Team at Lutheran Community Services and my dear daughter, Thanks for letting me look in.