Ordinarily I would never refer to these very special young women as "my" daughters. In truth, they are far more a product of their mother's influence and fine example than they are mine. They are also the products of a loving extended family and they have been enriched along the way by grandparents, aunts and uncles and caring adults. But as I was developing my thoughts for this article, I felt it would be proper to to use the word "my", in describing my notions on this subject.
Please allow me to introduce my daughters. I don't have their permission to write about them, but I'm sure they would give their old dad some latitude to share his feelings and perceptions about them. My oldest daughter, Erin, is now in her mid-thirties. She is a wife and and a mother. She has two children from her first marriage and now has a step-son with her her husband. I won't bore you with any of the "growing-up" stories about her. She's the kind of person who would love to know we still remember those cute, but embarrassing childhood moments- yet not particularly want them shared with the world.
Erin is also a college graduate and has been working in her chosen profession since she graduated. She works in a rather large Mental Health and Social Service agency that specializes in helping the victims of sexual abuse- often child victims. She is the Intake Coordinator, which means she and her colleague are the first to hear the painful stories, and the horrific details of families seeking treatment and healing. Her job is ensure they get the help they need. I have tremendous respect for her. Not only does she conduct herself in the most professional manner, she has earned the respect of a great many professionals in the social service community. Being part of that community myself, I can only say that she makes me so very proud of her. But the source of my true admiration for her is in the kind of person she has turned out to be. In spite of what some might think is a depressing job, she maintains a positive, hopeful, and respectful attitude towards everyone she encounters. In spite of some personal challenges in her life, she has raised her children so beautifully, and is happily married. She studies the art of parenting, and has committed many self-sacrificing acts to ensure her kids get the best schooling and have a safe, secure, and loving home. She has devoted friends and she would do anything for them, as they would for her. She a complete and wonderful woman.
My younger daughter, Emily, is two years younger than Erin. She too is a wife and mother. She and her husband have a five year old son and they are expecting a new daughter in January. Emily, has always been an outgoing and highly engaging person. She had academic and athletic success in high school, then went on to college. Her path through college took her further from home. She graduated from the Terry School of Business at the University of Georgia. She moved to Portland and managed a small bistro before beginning a career with Sysco Foods. She is also working in her chosen profession and was recently promoted to a management position. I won't tell you any of her childhood foibles either, but I can tell you that her path has led us to very proud of her too.
I've had the chance to see Emily in her professional environment a few times and each time I've been introduced to one of her customers or other managers they go out of their way to tell me what a special person she is. She is rising fast in a very competitive business, and making her mark as only Em can do. Like her sister, she too has made me proud because of the kind of person and parent she is. This is the kid who swore she never have a baby because of "the diaper issue". Now, of course we all see she and her husband being such great parents.
So what does any of this have to do with Gloria Steinem? Gloria Steinem was one of the leaders of the "Women's Liberation" movement of the '60's and '70's. She is a journalist, writer and activist for women's equality. Ms. Steinem began "Ms." magazine and became a leading national voice for women's rights. She is now in her late 70's, but remains a voice for women's rights. It was after watching a documentary about Gloria Steinem that I began to think about my two daughter's lives in the way I'm describing to you now.
Men have often made jokes about the women's movement in this country and resisted it with all their might, as they did the sufferage movement. It was Steinem, Betty Friedan, and Bella Abzug and many, many others who suffered the taunts and the hatred of those who questioned their femininity or sexuality- those who accused them of every vile motive under the sun in advancing the rights of women. But being the father of daughters ought to cause men to have some gratitude for the work that women like Gloria Steinem did on behalf of our (my) daughters. In the paragraphs above I described two women who were able to attend college, begin and flourish in careers of their choosing, and have the freedom to have families without risking either career or family. There was a time not that long ago (within my lifetime) when this would not have been possible. We must remember it has been less than 100 years since women were even recognized as full citizens, with the right to vote in this country.
When I refer to Erin and Emily as "my" daughters it isn't out of a sense of possessing them- it is out of a sense of responsibility to them. I don't view the Women's Movement as an affront to traditional family values as so many claimed then, and some still do today. My family values include the value of my daughters being able to seek higher education and work in a profession they choose; the value of having my daughters being paid a fair and equitable wage, not based on gender; the value of having my daughters be free from sexual harassment in the workplace; and the value of them being able to pursue any goal in life they choose, not being limited to prescribed roles defined by men.
The work that was begun so many years ago is not finished. Institutions, businesses, government, and churches still have not granted full equality to women. Progress is there, but not complete. There is still wage disparity for women. Women still earn only $.78 to every dollar men earn. In an advanced country like ours, there are only 93 women out of 535 in Congress (House and Senate combined) There are only six women Governors out of fifty. There are only 15 Women CEOs amongst the Fortune 500 companies. In less advanced cultures women are totally subjugated by men based on antiquated religious beliefs or barbaric custums, where female genital mutilation is common, or women are subject to honor killings at the whim of a man. Even today in the oldest and largest of the western Christian religions, the Roman Catholic Church, not one women can, or ever has, held a position of leadership, let alone ministry.
So there is still a great deal to be accomplished. It is up to all of us to keep pushing. They are your daughters and they are my daughters. If we fathers say we want the best for our daughters then we have a responsibility to work for true equality for women. You see, now I have a granddaughter and another on the way. I hope progress towards equality will march forward in their lifetime too.
Thanks for looking in.
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