I Am Jane's Ovaries

When I was a kid the Reader's Digest was everywhere. We got it at home and you could find it in just about any waiting room. It was a quaint little monthly that provided condensed versions of all manner of magazine articles, short stories, or books- all wholesome and American. It was perfect if you had a few minutes to kill and needed a quick read. It was the perfect bathroom publication long before the days of People Magazine. They used to run a series called "I am Joe's_______" It would feature a human organ speaking in the first person, telling us all about themselves. I am Joe's heart-I am Joe's lung- I am Joe's liver, etc. So, this is my (slightly altered) homage to the Reader's Digest series.

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Hello, I am Jane's Ovaries. I am part of Jane's reproductive system and I reside in her abdomen. There are actually two of us and we are placed on either side of Jane's uterus. Technically I am a gland, and my existence is considered a primary sex characteristic. That is, under normal circumstances, I have to be present in order to classify Jane as a female. My counterpart in Joe are Joe's testicles. Well, back to me. I have two main functions in Jane's body. Because I'm a gland I secrete hormones. The hormones I produce are Estrogen and Progesterone. These two hormones are very important because they cause Jane to have secondary sex characteristics (the one's that make her look like a woman) as well as regulate her menstrual, reproductive cycles. The other main function I perform is to produce the human ovum. Another word for that is a human egg. We do that about once a month, during the childbearing years. The ovum is expelled out of me and finds it way to the Fallopian tubes nearby. If the timing is right, the ovum can be fertilized by Joe's sperm. Then the fertilized ovum travels down and attaches to the wall of the uterus and a pregnancy happens. Normally this ends with the birth of a baby. Well, that's me in a nutshell. Oh, that reminds me- I'm about the size of a walnut.

Even though I'm the size of a walnut, the last few weeks I've felt more like a football. A political football that is! I don't operate alone in here, you know. I'm part of a reproductive "system". The team includes me, the Fallopian tubes, the Uterus, Vagina and the rest of Jane's body, including her Brain. But lately we've all been getting treated like we're second class nobodies. I've noticed that a lot of middle-aged (or older) white men have been trying to control me and tell the rest of my whole team what to do. Just look around and you will see a bunch of men arguing about how and when I need to function. These guys are getting a lot of press and face-time on TV because a few of them want to be the President. Others are causing quite a stir because they run that big Catholic church. I think they're using me and the rest of Jane as fodder for their little political games. Well, let me tell you boys something- I don't want to be part of your self-serving political debate. As far as I'm concerned you men have had way too much to say about me for too long as it is.

I may just be an ovary, but I know a little about history. What Jane's eyes read and her brain understands, I get too. A very long time ago men figured out that if they can control me, and all I do in human reproduction, they can control all of Jane and keep her subservient to them. Traditionally men enjoy that kind of power over women, so they make rules that won't allow women to control their own reproductive life. Men have skillfully used government and religion to keep women in their place. But Jane has been doing some other research and we've found out that when women have more control over their reproductive choices, they enjoy more social, educational, and economic equality with men. There are a few places in the world where that actually happens, and women in those places are always better off. You can look it up.

The latest skirmish over me happened when the government insisted that all employer-based health insurance policies in the future needed to include coverage for birth control (contraception). Turns out a whole bunch of employers are also Catholic institutions. And the MEN who run the Catholic church don't permit birth control. (let's not kid ourselves- the rhythm method is not birth control) So they are arguing that they shouldn't have to provide that coverage. Now politicians and Bishops are all up in arms over this big conflict. Hey, remember me down here! I'm not a politician or a Pope- I'm an ovary and a very important part of a woman. So, listen up about what's important to me. It's important to me that I stay healthy. I'm a sensitive human organ. I can get diseased or injured, and when that happens I need health care. I'm connected to the rest of Jane and we've decided it's not healthy for us (emotionally, socially, or economically) to be constantly producing children. It's probably not good for the planet either. Ever hear of over-population? We love kids and we're the only ones who can have them, so how about showing us a little respect. How about letting us have some choice in the matter, and make sure we can get the reproductive health care we need, including preventative contraception. When are you testicle owners going to get it?- these political squabbles aren't about church vs. state, its about women's health! Even when the Catholic church was offered a way not to pay for the coverage, they said that wasn't good enough. I knew all along- it's really about controlling me. I noticed that nobody is getting all up in men's faces about vasectomies- also a form of "banned" contraception in the eyes of the church.  

You know, with all the economic troubles in the country I thought you might leave me alone this year. But no! There's more talk about me lately than ever. This Rick Santorum, the latest big-deal, flash-in-the-pan, staunchly Catholic,  Presidential candidate even wants to allow each State the right to outlaw birth control all together. He just thinks birth control is wrong. I thought we settled this in the 60's. I've got news for you Rick- 98 % of all sexually active Catholic women have defied the Pope, the Bishops, and you, and used birth control- including the pill, sterilization and IUDs. (Guttmacher study 2011) Hey Rick, try being Jane for a while and it might change your perspective. We ovaries always joke that if men had us instead of women it would be a whole different world. 

Being part of Jane, I have to say this has been a rough year to be a women. Not only do men use us to score political points, there have been some real threats to us. Just before we got in to this nonsense over contraception, The Susan G. Komen people tried to cut off funding to Planned Parenthood for breast cancer screening. Thanks to a lot of folks who care more about Jane (and the low income women Jane knows) than these anti-choice types-  that got reversed. I don't know anymore. Jane and the other women live in a country that is supposed to be so "advanced", but it seems women still don't have much power here. We know this because all the big players in this debate are men. Just last week a congressional hearing was held to discuss contraception and religion, with no women allowed to testify! When you combine that with the fact we still haven't recognized health care as a basic Human Right- I'm a little worried. If America were like every other advanced country, we would have universal health care (including contraception) and Jane and I (and all our sisters) could rest a little easier. We just wouldn't have these silly, and very dangerous arguments.

I am Jane's Ovaries, and that's my story. I want to be cared for. You just need to care about, and respect, the women in your life- and I'll be OK too.

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Thanks for looking in.