When a new opportunity presents itself: a chance to move, grow, or accept new challenges, it is often accompanied by the loss of something it will replace. That's what is happening with me right now. As I look forward to a new chapter in my life, I'm faced with the task of saying goodbye to long time activities, habits and most of all, goodbye to daily contact with dear friends. This has caused me to reflect on the people and places I'm saying goodbye to now, and how others in my life are saying their goodbyes too. The change for me is the start of a new job. This week I'll begin employment with Goodwill Industries of the Inland Northwest in a management position. I don't change jobs very often. The job I'm leaving is one I've had for almost 15 years. Before that, I was employed with the same state agency for nearly 20 years. So now at the age of 58 I'm starting with a new employer and a whole new set of challenges. I feel fortunate that at my age, and in this economy, an opportunity has presented itself. Only a short while ago I would not have thought this would be happening. In that sense I'm grateful that such things are still possible and that I have the chance to try something new and to keep learning. However I also have to face the goodbyes.The following are my goodbyes- some welcomed- others not.
Most of my career has been spent in the Child Welfare arena of social work. Saying goodbye to Child Welfare is OK with me. The years with Child Protective Services were both difficult and rewarding. I vowed never to take the work home. I think that was the right policy. I didn't want to be one of those social workers who lived it 24 hours a day, and eventually ended up taking on the burden of abused children so personally it ruined their lives or their personalities. Having a good family to return to each day was a huge advantage too. The last15 years in this field have been from another vantage point (private agency work). I've been with a private agency that works very differently with families in the system. We had a very different (and I dare say, better) perspective on serving people. I worked with some of the best people in the business. I learned that we actually know how to handle child welfare cases much more effectively than the old CPS way. Our little agency had great successes with chronically troubled families. The problem with reforming the system and implementing what we know will work, is the entrenched bureaucrats who control the machinery. Those who manage this system at the State level are so busy protecting their turf and attending to the machinery, that they've forgotten what their job is, making them blind to new ways and new ideas. So I say goodbye to Child Welfare feeling some relief, along with a sense of gratitude to those I met along the way. Oddly enough, I'm most grateful to the families I worked with. In spite of the personal demons in their lives I discovered almost all parents love their children- but so many have suffered the indignity of poverty, deprivation, and trauma in their own childhoods. Therefore they come into a biased system as crippled souls who are powerless to control their own lives or break the cycles that put them there in the first place.
I'm saying goodbye to some of my dearest friends as a result of this change. I won't lose them as friends- but I won't have the pleasure of sharing my days with them as I have for so many years now. Most of us work with people we get along with, and we put in our days together just because "we work together". We tend to spend more waking hours with our colleagues at work than with our family members. A few of my colleagues and co-workers became great friends too. It might have something to do with the kind of work we do that creates a stronger bond- Child Welfare can be a pretty unpleasant place, seeing the abuse and hearing the heartbreaking stories. To do it, and not go nuts, requires people around you that you can trust, and share the (sometimes) twisted humor needed to maintain one's sanity and humanity. However, in this case it is more than that. These are people who would be special in any setting. They are truly great friends and great people, and saying goodbye to my daily time with them is a difficult goodbye for me.
I'm also saying goodbye to a comfortable routine. At my age a predictable routine can be a good thing, and I honestly weighed that item very carefully before deciding to make this change. I was well established where I was. I had a great deal of freedom and autonomy that I won't have in my new position. But I also recognized that I want to stay vital-continue to learn new things and feel the excitement of new challenges. Truthfully, I was getting a bit complacent and that can't be healthy. Even though it may be a bit uncomfortable at first, I'm really looking forward to a brand new experience. I guess I'm not ready to stop trying something new just yet.
As it happened, I experienced these bitter-sweet goodbyes during the same week that my son-in-law and our family experienced a far more profound and permanent goodbye. Lynn, my son-in-law's mom passed away this week. I wrote about her illness last October in an essay called "Two Illnesses". At that time she had been in the hospital and was told she was approaching the end of her life due to chronic respiratory illness. Even though the course of her illness had its ups and downs the last seven months, the eventual conclusion was never really in doubt. As we were talking with our son-in-law the night his mother died, he reminded us that he has been saying goodbye for a long time now. He was very much at peace with this goodbye because his grieving (and letting go) was an on-going process that was now coming to an end. In truth, on the night she died I detected a peacefulness in my son-in-law I not seen before. Having gone through long protracted illnesses with my parents I could certainly understand the relief and peace of that last goodbye. There is gladness that the suffering of a loved one has finally ended, as well as the realization that normalcy will soon return.
The last week was all about goodbyes. Coming to grips with the difficult ones, and graciously embracing the welcomed ones helps us be open to the new aspects of life that surely will follow. The nice thing is that next week will be all about- hello. I'll be starting a new job. I'll be meeting many new people. I'll be introduced to new things and new places. My son-in-law and his family will begin next week with a new sense of peace in their lives, and they will be able to fondly remember a lost loved one for the great moments they shared over the years, rather than to the struggles of the last months. The lesson for me is this: as difficult as goodbye can be- it almost always holds the promise of something new; and that's what keeps us moving forward through life.
Thanks for looking in.
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