Our relationships with one another take on many different characteristics, depending on the type and intensity of the relationship. On a person-to-person basis we set standards for the level of knowledge and familiarity we expect from others we’re involved with. The level of knowledge varies quite a bit depending on the nature of the relationship. For instance, a casual acquaintance is a person we don’t need to know much about. This might be someone we chat with at the gym or see occasionally in a familiar setting. That sort of relationship doesn’t normally cause us to inquire about very private aspects of their lives. People with whom we share casual relationships just don’t have much real impact on our lives.
As we get more involved with people who have different roles in our lives, the “need to know” about them increases. I just started a new job. I found myself spending the biggest portion of my waking hours with a new set of people. I wouldn’t say they are friends, but I still need to interact with them, and rely on them to work with me as a team. I have sought out a higher level of information about them because that knowledge informs me on how I can best work with them. I also supervise almost all of them, so information about their history on the job and some of their personal characteristics is important. Still, I won’t seek information about their personal lives or any private information at this level of interaction.
Then we move on to our friends. These are people who have genuine impacts on our lives. We choose our friends because of common interests, or some personal connection, or because we meet people we just “click” with. We become close to our friends and the more intimate details of their lives do matter, and the sharing of those details actually helps us form the strong bonds of friendship. Honesty and openness are prime characteristics of friendship. Now we move on to our closest relationships. This is the relationship we have with our mates- spouse- partner- etc. There are many terms to describe this relationship. No matter what we call it, I’m referring to the strongest of our personal bonds. In this relationship we expect total honesty and openness. We expect a sharing of our lives on every level-because these are the relationships that impact us the MOST. That’s not to say that sometimes the impact isn’t negative- it surely can be. But this is our most important adult relationship. (I know I’m leaving out the parent-child relationship in this discussion. That happens organically, and is not a relationship both parties choose.) My point is that the closer we are to a person and the more they matter in our lives –the more vitally important it is to have the most complete knowledge of them as people, and their life story. We wouldn’t want to wake up one morning married to a stranger.
The issue that got me thinking about how much we know about others in our lives is the crazy conversation going on over Mitt Romney’s personal tax returns and his personal wealth. I was watching some of the coverage on this topic and I started to think about the whole notion of what we know about people, and why it’s important to know it. You can tell from the paragraphs above that my sense of this issue has to do with how much a person impacts our lives. In the description of personal relationships I used above trust, openness, and transparency in our relationships are key factors. But what about a President? We don’t know them personally- but they certainly have a huge impact on our lives- and, the lives of everyone we know, love, or care about.
Up until now Mr. Romney has, by almost any one’s standard, been pretty secretive about his personal finances. He has only released one year of his tax returns and that one wasn’t complete- as it did not include the form on his foreign bank accounts. He said he’ll release one more return- but hasn’t done it yet. He has never given a full accounting of his wealth and where it came from. Maybe it isn’t fair or proper to ask- but it is a strong tradition. In an age when everything is questioned, examined, and analyzed this should probably be fair game. I’m pretty sure he’s got those returns in some old shoe box at one of his homes. He gave 27 years-worth of returns to John McCain four years ago. I’ll bet you he kept a copy. And most candidates traditionally release multiple years of returns. I’m also quite sure he will require more from his Vice-Presidential choice than he is showing us about himself. Ironic isn’t it? Let’s face it, Mr. Romney asking us to trust our lives and our futures to him- with some pretty high stakes on the table.
Here’s my take on this matter. I don’t think Mr. Romney is an evil or crooked fellow. In regard to his money, I would guess that he has operated in a mostly legal fashion. My best guess is that he took full advantage of every loophole in the law. He probably hid some money in secret bank accounts. Why? Because that’s what super-rich people do. They have legal (and sometimes “slightly” illegal) ways of doing things the rest of us can’t do. They make the rules, so they take advantage of the rules. He probably has a great deal more actual wealth than he owns up to. OK – people lie about their money all the time. It doesn’t make him a crook. On the other hand, it doesn’t make him honest and open with the American people either. If Mr. Romney is asking for the public trust- perhaps he ought to be more open with the people he’s asking. In any relationship where the consequences are important, we would expect more openness. But, he’s chosen to be more secretive than any other candidate in the modern era.
Conservative columnist and pundit George Will may have said it best. To paraphrase Mr. Will: Mr. Romney is making a calculation that the damage he will suffer from not releasing his taxes is far less than the damage he would face if he did release them. I don’t agree with George Will much- but I think he’s dead right on this one. There must be something there he doesn’t want us to see. There is now a chorus of other conservatives who have urged Mr. Romney to just release the damned tax returns- because they know this won’t just go away. I don’t think he’ll do it. I suspect if he did release them, we would see that there were some years when this ultra-rich guy paid little or no taxes at all. Lots of rich guys (and corporations) legally pay no taxes at all- but that doesn’t look so good when you’re running for President, and trying to sell the point that you’re for the middle class.
I’ll say it again! I don’t think Mr. Romney is an evil guy. But I think he’s one of those rich guys who can’t relate to the working people. His riches seem to have insulated him from the real world we live in. He sure doesn’t have the populist appeal of an FDR or a JFK. This aloof, rich-guy thing just seems to be Mr. Romney’s world view- and since he doesn’t have much of a platform other than recycled Bush policies, that’s all we have to go on. Because he won’t be open and really share his past with us, it’s hard to trust that he’s the guy he says he is. He’s asking for a relationship with us-an important relationship. I wish he would be respectful enough to just be honest and open with us. Wouldn’t it just be easier to release the taxes? Knowing as much as you can ahead-of-time is a way to make sure you don’t someday discover you’re married to a stranger.
Thanks for looking in.
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