Family: Community

I am 57 years old.  I am continually reminded of the importance and power of family. To me, it is more important than anything else. I don't view family as a inherently good, in and of itself. You see, I am also a social worker, and have been one for 35 years. I have seen the destructive elements of family as well the positive force it can be. I've been giving the idea of family alot of thought lately because families are the fundamental element of our culture (a culture that's on the cusp of change); and it's important to think about, and act out our lives in community with one another.

Some of my earliest and fondest memories come from a special kind of childhood. My (maternal) grandparents were Italian immigrants who were brought here by the family patriarch in the late 1800's and early 1900's. My grandmother was actually born here- though my grandfather was brought here by my great-grandfather with a promise of a job and a young bride (that would be my grandmother). My grandparents eventually took over the family farm and raised their family. They had three daughters. Two of the daughters married and lived on the same land where they grew-up. The other daughter moved away with her husband to raise her family, but always remained close in touch. When the daughters married, my grandparents simply carved out a bit of the family farm and gave them the land to build their houses. I grew up in one of those houses.

I was raised literally surrounded by family. There were not, what you would call, streets separating us- no fences between the houses. There were only shared gravel driveways and yards around the houses. It was one big compound of houses all inhabited by family. We had parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, great aunts and uncles, and cousins all sharing the same land and the pretty much the same experience of life. It was a truck farm, and as each of us got to the age when we were barely worth the trouble of having us in the field, we worked in the gardens alongside our grandfather. In that sense it was a family enterprise as well. During planting time or harvest time everybody chipped in. All the adults and all the kids did the work. It seemed like a very natural way to do things. It was a community.

During the slower seasons my grandfather would work in the mornings then rest in the afternoons. I would sometimes just hang out with him. Nothing of much importance was discussed, but on occasion I would have questions about his life in Italy, or other people in our town who came from Italy, like he did. He sat in his big metal lawn chair to answer and explain things to me, in his "brief" speaking style as he smoked his cigar. I remember that he was almost always outside and he always was looking out on his fields.

The lesson that came through this kind of upbringing was one of shared responsibility, shared prosperity, and shared hardship as well. My grandfather never spoke about rugged individualism, or "going it on your own", though individual good work habits were valued. His experience and ours was one of mutual support. As children there was always an expectation to do well in school, or sports or whatever activities we engaged in. But we learned that we were always part of a larger group, a family, a community. Most of the Italian farmers even marketed their crops through a Cooperative (run by my uncle). You see they always seemed to work together for a common good. It was the way of our family- and the way of the others who came here to make a life. History tells us that many of the immigrant groups who came here, and established themselves, had similar experiences.

Of course this kind of experience belies one of the common myths of American culture. That myth says that we revere "the self-made man". We worship the individual who "stands alone". It's true that we have produced great individuals who have made great contributions. But I think the more common element of our culture, if we really think about it, is the idea of community and a common good. A closer examination would most certainly reveal that those "self-made" types had support and help along the way. We all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us, and we have a responsibility to those who follow us. As our country decides the issues that will effect our children and grandchildren I hope we hold on to the value of community, and we don't give in to the forces of selfishness, greed and short-sightedness.

Thanks for looking in.