Susan lives in the house right behind us. There's no alley, so we share a back fence that separates our yards. She's lived there since we moved to this house, almost twenty years ago. In the time we've been neighbors Susan has had some big changes in her life. She got a divorce some time ago just as her two kids were in their late teens. Both kids (a boy and a girl) are grown up now and living on their own. Susan's daughter had a baby last December, making her a pretty happy grandma. Susan worked for a local rural Fire District. She managed the office and conducted the business of the Fire District. Last January Susan lost her job after being there for over twenty years.
Susan goes to the same gym we do, and we talk with her through the back fence, so we've kept up with her situation over the last few months. Last week she and I had a conversation through the fence that couldn't be more timely, given some of the items in the news that week. Susan has been out of work for over six months now. I asked how things were going for her and she nearly cried as she was explaining how hard this period of time has been for her. She is the perfect example of all the unemployment woes we've heard about since this terrible recession began four years ago. Susan said she's has sent out over a hundred resume's and applications and hasn't even had a single call for an interview. She doesn't understand why nothing is happening. She talked about the frustration of knowing she has skills, and how she was successful for so many years in her last job-yet she is getting no response. She began to explain how she has fallen into depression from time to time because she's starting to feel the hopelessness. Then she began to categorize herself into the one of the hardest hit demographics of this dismal unemployment picture. Susan is over the age of 50, and has now become one of the long-term unemployed. And as I tried to be empathetic and encouraging- I knew she was right. She is the perfect picture of a long-time, valued employee who is out of work now, and in a group that has very few prospects.
This conversation took place in the same week The President was crucified by Republicans for saying "the private sector is doing fine." That comment sent Mr. Romney into hyper-drive claiming that the President is just "out of touch". Imagine that- Mr. Romney calling anybody out of touch. I believe the President was didn't state his point very artfully. But, we all know what he meant. The private sector has been steadily adding jobs while the public sector has been losing jobs- so the net job gain doesn't look very good. Yet to counter the President, Mr. Romney went right out and said we don't need more public sectors jobs.This brings me back to my neighbor Susan. Her job was a public sector job. She worked for a Fire District. But if you'll note where the public sector has been so damaged and under attack, you'll quickly see it's the Republican controlled states are where the most damage has been done to the public sector. Teachers, police, and firefighters are the groups under attack and vilified.
Somehow the basic economics of this situation can get lost in the political (and mostly inaccurate) rhetoric being thrown around. I think most of us are expected to look at this economic crisis and just assume that cutting everything our taxes pay for is the automatic solution. That's the Republican solution. The fact is that massive cuts in the public sector have the opposite effect. Take Susan again; she can no longer be the kind of consumer she once was. She wasn't stashing her income in a Swiss bank account (like a certain Presidential wannabe). Her (tax supported) wages got spent in stores, in restaurants, in movie theatres, in home improvement centers and on all the other consumer goods that actually drive this economy. Some economists estimate that government expenditures turn over three times in our economy. When there are enough Susan(s) without a job the local store lays off clerks, the restaurants get rid of a chef and a waiter and a hostess. The movie theater may lay off a worker, or the golf course and the Home Depot lets some staff go. Then those people stop being consumers too. The cycle only gets worse. Not only is Susan not spending wages- she is now taking government benefits instead of paying taxes.The Republicans need to realize that Susan isn't our enemy- that the people who teach our kids, and protect us and our property aren't the bad guys. The public sector provides services we need and they are a vital part of our economy. They are more valuable to our economic health as employed people, than they are as some politician's trophy on the wall- in spite of the fact that it takes tax dollars to pay for public sector employees.
I remember being in my high school history class and having Mr. Volz discuss how automation was effecting the economy (circa 1970). He was explaining that when machines replace people, those machines don't stop at the store on the way home, or go out for a beer on the weekends, or buy houses. He made the point very effectively that our economy is driven by spending wages. I think the analogy holds true today. But instead of automation- it is the war on the public sector employee that threatens our economy. We've been convinced since the time of Reagan that everything government does is bad and a waste of tax dollars. We've been convinced that the remedy is to always cut taxes and reduce the evil of government at every opportunity. We've elected people to govern us who don't even like government- and because they hate government, they run it so poorly that they are the self-fulfilling prophets of bad government. They generally leave a mess behind then turn around and say: "I told you so." That's kind of where we're at now. The economic truth of our time is that economic growth doesn't come from giving the rich more money, hoping their crumbs will fall off the table to the rest of us (i.e. trickle down from "job creators"). It comes from strong broad-based consumption of goods and services by a strong middle class. Both private and public sector jobs are needed to sustain growth.
The pundits all say that the coming election will hinge on how the unemployment rates are looking in October and November. They say people will just look around and cast their vote on how the economy feels at that time. If the unemployment rate is the same or higher than now, President Obama loses. But we need to look deeper and ask why things are the way they are. I won't just look at the number on the front page- I'll look over my back fence too. If I see that my neighbor Susan is still the victim of short sighted economic theories that have never worked, because the public sector has been so unfairly vilified- then I will vote accordingly, and it won't be for Mr. Romney. I hoping every voter will look a little deeper and look across your back fence to see the real picture for people you know and see everyday. Some of them are probably public sector employees or folks who do business with the public sector. They are a vital part of the economy too. Let's not throw them under the bus because it is easy for politicians to cast blame their way.
Thanks for looking in.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Saying Goodbye
When a new opportunity presents itself: a chance to move, grow, or accept new challenges, it is often accompanied by the loss of something it will replace. That's what is happening with me right now. As I look forward to a new chapter in my life, I'm faced with the task of saying goodbye to long time activities, habits and most of all, goodbye to daily contact with dear friends. This has caused me to reflect on the people and places I'm saying goodbye to now, and how others in my life are saying their goodbyes too. The change for me is the start of a new job. This week I'll begin employment with Goodwill Industries of the Inland Northwest in a management position. I don't change jobs very often. The job I'm leaving is one I've had for almost 15 years. Before that, I was employed with the same state agency for nearly 20 years. So now at the age of 58 I'm starting with a new employer and a whole new set of challenges. I feel fortunate that at my age, and in this economy, an opportunity has presented itself. Only a short while ago I would not have thought this would be happening. In that sense I'm grateful that such things are still possible and that I have the chance to try something new and to keep learning. However I also have to face the goodbyes.The following are my goodbyes- some welcomed- others not.
Most of my career has been spent in the Child Welfare arena of social work. Saying goodbye to Child Welfare is OK with me. The years with Child Protective Services were both difficult and rewarding. I vowed never to take the work home. I think that was the right policy. I didn't want to be one of those social workers who lived it 24 hours a day, and eventually ended up taking on the burden of abused children so personally it ruined their lives or their personalities. Having a good family to return to each day was a huge advantage too. The last15 years in this field have been from another vantage point (private agency work). I've been with a private agency that works very differently with families in the system. We had a very different (and I dare say, better) perspective on serving people. I worked with some of the best people in the business. I learned that we actually know how to handle child welfare cases much more effectively than the old CPS way. Our little agency had great successes with chronically troubled families. The problem with reforming the system and implementing what we know will work, is the entrenched bureaucrats who control the machinery. Those who manage this system at the State level are so busy protecting their turf and attending to the machinery, that they've forgotten what their job is, making them blind to new ways and new ideas. So I say goodbye to Child Welfare feeling some relief, along with a sense of gratitude to those I met along the way. Oddly enough, I'm most grateful to the families I worked with. In spite of the personal demons in their lives I discovered almost all parents love their children- but so many have suffered the indignity of poverty, deprivation, and trauma in their own childhoods. Therefore they come into a biased system as crippled souls who are powerless to control their own lives or break the cycles that put them there in the first place.
I'm saying goodbye to some of my dearest friends as a result of this change. I won't lose them as friends- but I won't have the pleasure of sharing my days with them as I have for so many years now. Most of us work with people we get along with, and we put in our days together just because "we work together". We tend to spend more waking hours with our colleagues at work than with our family members. A few of my colleagues and co-workers became great friends too. It might have something to do with the kind of work we do that creates a stronger bond- Child Welfare can be a pretty unpleasant place, seeing the abuse and hearing the heartbreaking stories. To do it, and not go nuts, requires people around you that you can trust, and share the (sometimes) twisted humor needed to maintain one's sanity and humanity. However, in this case it is more than that. These are people who would be special in any setting. They are truly great friends and great people, and saying goodbye to my daily time with them is a difficult goodbye for me.
I'm also saying goodbye to a comfortable routine. At my age a predictable routine can be a good thing, and I honestly weighed that item very carefully before deciding to make this change. I was well established where I was. I had a great deal of freedom and autonomy that I won't have in my new position. But I also recognized that I want to stay vital-continue to learn new things and feel the excitement of new challenges. Truthfully, I was getting a bit complacent and that can't be healthy. Even though it may be a bit uncomfortable at first, I'm really looking forward to a brand new experience. I guess I'm not ready to stop trying something new just yet.
As it happened, I experienced these bitter-sweet goodbyes during the same week that my son-in-law and our family experienced a far more profound and permanent goodbye. Lynn, my son-in-law's mom passed away this week. I wrote about her illness last October in an essay called "Two Illnesses". At that time she had been in the hospital and was told she was approaching the end of her life due to chronic respiratory illness. Even though the course of her illness had its ups and downs the last seven months, the eventual conclusion was never really in doubt. As we were talking with our son-in-law the night his mother died, he reminded us that he has been saying goodbye for a long time now. He was very much at peace with this goodbye because his grieving (and letting go) was an on-going process that was now coming to an end. In truth, on the night she died I detected a peacefulness in my son-in-law I not seen before. Having gone through long protracted illnesses with my parents I could certainly understand the relief and peace of that last goodbye. There is gladness that the suffering of a loved one has finally ended, as well as the realization that normalcy will soon return.
The last week was all about goodbyes. Coming to grips with the difficult ones, and graciously embracing the welcomed ones helps us be open to the new aspects of life that surely will follow. The nice thing is that next week will be all about- hello. I'll be starting a new job. I'll be meeting many new people. I'll be introduced to new things and new places. My son-in-law and his family will begin next week with a new sense of peace in their lives, and they will be able to fondly remember a lost loved one for the great moments they shared over the years, rather than to the struggles of the last months. The lesson for me is this: as difficult as goodbye can be- it almost always holds the promise of something new; and that's what keeps us moving forward through life.
Thanks for looking in.
Most of my career has been spent in the Child Welfare arena of social work. Saying goodbye to Child Welfare is OK with me. The years with Child Protective Services were both difficult and rewarding. I vowed never to take the work home. I think that was the right policy. I didn't want to be one of those social workers who lived it 24 hours a day, and eventually ended up taking on the burden of abused children so personally it ruined their lives or their personalities. Having a good family to return to each day was a huge advantage too. The last15 years in this field have been from another vantage point (private agency work). I've been with a private agency that works very differently with families in the system. We had a very different (and I dare say, better) perspective on serving people. I worked with some of the best people in the business. I learned that we actually know how to handle child welfare cases much more effectively than the old CPS way. Our little agency had great successes with chronically troubled families. The problem with reforming the system and implementing what we know will work, is the entrenched bureaucrats who control the machinery. Those who manage this system at the State level are so busy protecting their turf and attending to the machinery, that they've forgotten what their job is, making them blind to new ways and new ideas. So I say goodbye to Child Welfare feeling some relief, along with a sense of gratitude to those I met along the way. Oddly enough, I'm most grateful to the families I worked with. In spite of the personal demons in their lives I discovered almost all parents love their children- but so many have suffered the indignity of poverty, deprivation, and trauma in their own childhoods. Therefore they come into a biased system as crippled souls who are powerless to control their own lives or break the cycles that put them there in the first place.
I'm saying goodbye to some of my dearest friends as a result of this change. I won't lose them as friends- but I won't have the pleasure of sharing my days with them as I have for so many years now. Most of us work with people we get along with, and we put in our days together just because "we work together". We tend to spend more waking hours with our colleagues at work than with our family members. A few of my colleagues and co-workers became great friends too. It might have something to do with the kind of work we do that creates a stronger bond- Child Welfare can be a pretty unpleasant place, seeing the abuse and hearing the heartbreaking stories. To do it, and not go nuts, requires people around you that you can trust, and share the (sometimes) twisted humor needed to maintain one's sanity and humanity. However, in this case it is more than that. These are people who would be special in any setting. They are truly great friends and great people, and saying goodbye to my daily time with them is a difficult goodbye for me.
I'm also saying goodbye to a comfortable routine. At my age a predictable routine can be a good thing, and I honestly weighed that item very carefully before deciding to make this change. I was well established where I was. I had a great deal of freedom and autonomy that I won't have in my new position. But I also recognized that I want to stay vital-continue to learn new things and feel the excitement of new challenges. Truthfully, I was getting a bit complacent and that can't be healthy. Even though it may be a bit uncomfortable at first, I'm really looking forward to a brand new experience. I guess I'm not ready to stop trying something new just yet.
As it happened, I experienced these bitter-sweet goodbyes during the same week that my son-in-law and our family experienced a far more profound and permanent goodbye. Lynn, my son-in-law's mom passed away this week. I wrote about her illness last October in an essay called "Two Illnesses". At that time she had been in the hospital and was told she was approaching the end of her life due to chronic respiratory illness. Even though the course of her illness had its ups and downs the last seven months, the eventual conclusion was never really in doubt. As we were talking with our son-in-law the night his mother died, he reminded us that he has been saying goodbye for a long time now. He was very much at peace with this goodbye because his grieving (and letting go) was an on-going process that was now coming to an end. In truth, on the night she died I detected a peacefulness in my son-in-law I not seen before. Having gone through long protracted illnesses with my parents I could certainly understand the relief and peace of that last goodbye. There is gladness that the suffering of a loved one has finally ended, as well as the realization that normalcy will soon return.
The last week was all about goodbyes. Coming to grips with the difficult ones, and graciously embracing the welcomed ones helps us be open to the new aspects of life that surely will follow. The nice thing is that next week will be all about- hello. I'll be starting a new job. I'll be meeting many new people. I'll be introduced to new things and new places. My son-in-law and his family will begin next week with a new sense of peace in their lives, and they will be able to fondly remember a lost loved one for the great moments they shared over the years, rather than to the struggles of the last months. The lesson for me is this: as difficult as goodbye can be- it almost always holds the promise of something new; and that's what keeps us moving forward through life.
Thanks for looking in.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Election Predictions
The last five or six months have just been fun, haven't they? We've had the pleasure (and pain) of watching the Republican primary candidates tear into each other, and of course they all tore into President Obama with reckless abandon. I say "reckless" because they haven't been very..... truth-y. We've had our fun and our laughs over the goofs and gaffs as the Republicans came up with the most nut-ball ideas we've heard in decades. Who can forget Trump and his crazy, racist birther talk? Apparently he can't forget it either. Then there was Michele Bachmann and her complete fumbling of U.S. history to suit her ultra-right-wing narrative. Never go on Jeopardy, Michele. Then we got to watch Rick .......uh?...uh?... Perry totally embarrass himself. Next it was Herman Cain and his 9-9-9 plan, and him finding out "What Women Don't Want", followed by the incomparable Newt Gingrich. This man gave us a truck load of laughs from moon colonies, to abolishing child-labor laws. With an ego the size of Georgia he told us it was a foregone conclusion he would win. Oops! (sorry Rick Perry) turns out old Newt and Calista were just out for a good time with donor's money. He's gone, and $4 million in the hole. Finally it was Rick Santorum. Rick is just nuts. College is for snobs- birth control is just wrong- blah-blah-blah. He dropped out when he figured out he couldn't compete in his own state-again. The clown show is finally over and the circus has left town.
So here we are with Mitt Romney just like we knew we would be. The Republicans always settle on the next guy in line. He was there six years ago and he's finally getting his turn. They will fall in line, but they will never fall in love with this guy. Most of the party faithful don't even like him much. Just look at the tepid endorsements he's gotten. Nonetheless he and his super-PACs will have tons of money to throw around. When you think about it, you realize the party ends up with an empty vessel like Mr. Romney because they just don't have anybody else to choose from. The other candidates were totally loony-tunes and there is not one Republican in the House or the Senate who has shown themselves to be a statesman- or a leader. At least now we know it will be Obama vs. Romney in the main event. Here are my early predictions on the election:
-This will be an important (critically important) election. However I predict the general electorate will not be treated like it's a critically important election by the candidates or their surrogates. That is, we the voters, will be fed a boatload of inaccurate nonsense (from both sides) because it fits in a 30 second commercial, while they never really address the fundamental issues facing the country. Selling the candidates will be more important understanding the candidates; and unless we really dig hard for the truth on our own, most of us will go into the voting booth with nothing more than the last political ad in our heads.
-The election process will be drowning in money. The Supreme Court's Citizens United case has allowed unlimited funds from just about anywhere (even foreign countries) to flood in on us. All the billionaires who are complaining that they don't want to pay more taxes seem to have plenty of money to throw around on this election. It sure makes you wonder why. (Actually we know why- it is in their financial interest, that's why) There are two problems for us. 1) we have no idea who is behind all the super-PAC donations and what they expect to gain, and 2) we will be inundated with negative advertising to the extent we may just get sick of it and spurn the whole process out of disgust. One thing is for sure- we will see this flood of super-PAC spending on commercials unlike anything we've ever seen before. My hope is that it will awaken common sense again so the Congress, along with all of us, will demand a change from the non-sense wrought on us from Citizens United.
-A lot of voters may experience a case of mass amnesia. We will be asked to make judgments on the President's past 3 1/2 years in office, and the Republicans will do anything to have us forget the shape our country was in when the President took office. And we may just oblige them by not remembering what was left to clean up when the President took office. If we don't remember how close we were to total collapse, we won't be able to fairly judge what President Obama has accomplished. I heard a commentator use the analogy that President Obama's challenge was like having a new Captain take over the Titanic after it hit the iceberg. The more I learn about the economic crisis that hit us while President Bush was in office, the more I appreciate what President Obama did to keep us from going over the edge into a full-blown depression. It was deeper and more frightening than most of us realize, which is why it is taking so long to recover from it. But we'll be asked to forget all that, and blame this slow recovery entirely on the President. We'll also be asked to have amnesia about the Bush policies that caused the melt down - because Mr. Romney is proposing more of that old Bush magic; lower taxes for the wealthy- cuts to programs for the middle class and the poor- no spending on infra-structure- no regulation of the financial industry- increased spending on the military. That is the same recipe that took us from a surplus federal budget to huge deficits in one year under the Bush plan (and that before 9-11-01). But please, just forget all that- and blame the new guy for not digging us out of their mess faster. Oh, by the way you should also forget that Republicans in Congress have obstructed every effort the President has made since he took office.
-This election will be remembered (and written about in the history books) for the efforts to suppress and hinder voting. After the election of Barack Obama the opposition systematically set out to eliminate as many voters as possible from the demographic that voted for President Obama in 2008. We have seen State after State (where Republicans control the State Legislatures) pass legislation to suppress voting. They have required ID's that were never required before- they have limited early voting- they have purged voter rolls using inaccurate data bases- they have eliminated voting for out-of state student voters. All of these tactics specifically target traditional Democratic voters- and this is no coincidence! They claim the purpose is to prevent voter fraud, but they can't give a single example of voter fraud remotely influencing an election. If these efforts are allowed to succeed, history will record that these laws set back democracy in our country. America has always stood for the expansion of democracy and citizen rights. The trend to suppress voting will prove to be a shameful chapter in our history, one we will regret if these measures go forward.
Those are my predictions- except who I think will actually win. I know who I want to win- and who I'll vote for, but these are all rather sad predictions about the nature of the election itself. This promises to be a very close and, by all accounts, very ugly election. Don't be surprised to see the subtle and not-so-subtle racism again. The influence of unfettered amounts of money will certainly be a huge factor along with the issue of how voting is done in the various States. No matter who wins I'm hoping for a resurgence of the People's will in how our government functions, based on the horrible lessons I think we are about to learn. It seems that within the last generation our precious democracy has literally been taken over by lobbyists and the big-money interests who own them. It can only get worse under the current set of rules. If we learn anything from this election- I hope we learn that our government exists for us, the ordinary folk- not the elites who have taken us to this sorry state of affairs-and that we have to reassert ourselves back into our system of government
Thanks for looking in.
So here we are with Mitt Romney just like we knew we would be. The Republicans always settle on the next guy in line. He was there six years ago and he's finally getting his turn. They will fall in line, but they will never fall in love with this guy. Most of the party faithful don't even like him much. Just look at the tepid endorsements he's gotten. Nonetheless he and his super-PACs will have tons of money to throw around. When you think about it, you realize the party ends up with an empty vessel like Mr. Romney because they just don't have anybody else to choose from. The other candidates were totally loony-tunes and there is not one Republican in the House or the Senate who has shown themselves to be a statesman- or a leader. At least now we know it will be Obama vs. Romney in the main event. Here are my early predictions on the election:
-This will be an important (critically important) election. However I predict the general electorate will not be treated like it's a critically important election by the candidates or their surrogates. That is, we the voters, will be fed a boatload of inaccurate nonsense (from both sides) because it fits in a 30 second commercial, while they never really address the fundamental issues facing the country. Selling the candidates will be more important understanding the candidates; and unless we really dig hard for the truth on our own, most of us will go into the voting booth with nothing more than the last political ad in our heads.
-The election process will be drowning in money. The Supreme Court's Citizens United case has allowed unlimited funds from just about anywhere (even foreign countries) to flood in on us. All the billionaires who are complaining that they don't want to pay more taxes seem to have plenty of money to throw around on this election. It sure makes you wonder why. (Actually we know why- it is in their financial interest, that's why) There are two problems for us. 1) we have no idea who is behind all the super-PAC donations and what they expect to gain, and 2) we will be inundated with negative advertising to the extent we may just get sick of it and spurn the whole process out of disgust. One thing is for sure- we will see this flood of super-PAC spending on commercials unlike anything we've ever seen before. My hope is that it will awaken common sense again so the Congress, along with all of us, will demand a change from the non-sense wrought on us from Citizens United.
-A lot of voters may experience a case of mass amnesia. We will be asked to make judgments on the President's past 3 1/2 years in office, and the Republicans will do anything to have us forget the shape our country was in when the President took office. And we may just oblige them by not remembering what was left to clean up when the President took office. If we don't remember how close we were to total collapse, we won't be able to fairly judge what President Obama has accomplished. I heard a commentator use the analogy that President Obama's challenge was like having a new Captain take over the Titanic after it hit the iceberg. The more I learn about the economic crisis that hit us while President Bush was in office, the more I appreciate what President Obama did to keep us from going over the edge into a full-blown depression. It was deeper and more frightening than most of us realize, which is why it is taking so long to recover from it. But we'll be asked to forget all that, and blame this slow recovery entirely on the President. We'll also be asked to have amnesia about the Bush policies that caused the melt down - because Mr. Romney is proposing more of that old Bush magic; lower taxes for the wealthy- cuts to programs for the middle class and the poor- no spending on infra-structure- no regulation of the financial industry- increased spending on the military. That is the same recipe that took us from a surplus federal budget to huge deficits in one year under the Bush plan (and that before 9-11-01). But please, just forget all that- and blame the new guy for not digging us out of their mess faster. Oh, by the way you should also forget that Republicans in Congress have obstructed every effort the President has made since he took office.
-This election will be remembered (and written about in the history books) for the efforts to suppress and hinder voting. After the election of Barack Obama the opposition systematically set out to eliminate as many voters as possible from the demographic that voted for President Obama in 2008. We have seen State after State (where Republicans control the State Legislatures) pass legislation to suppress voting. They have required ID's that were never required before- they have limited early voting- they have purged voter rolls using inaccurate data bases- they have eliminated voting for out-of state student voters. All of these tactics specifically target traditional Democratic voters- and this is no coincidence! They claim the purpose is to prevent voter fraud, but they can't give a single example of voter fraud remotely influencing an election. If these efforts are allowed to succeed, history will record that these laws set back democracy in our country. America has always stood for the expansion of democracy and citizen rights. The trend to suppress voting will prove to be a shameful chapter in our history, one we will regret if these measures go forward.
Those are my predictions- except who I think will actually win. I know who I want to win- and who I'll vote for, but these are all rather sad predictions about the nature of the election itself. This promises to be a very close and, by all accounts, very ugly election. Don't be surprised to see the subtle and not-so-subtle racism again. The influence of unfettered amounts of money will certainly be a huge factor along with the issue of how voting is done in the various States. No matter who wins I'm hoping for a resurgence of the People's will in how our government functions, based on the horrible lessons I think we are about to learn. It seems that within the last generation our precious democracy has literally been taken over by lobbyists and the big-money interests who own them. It can only get worse under the current set of rules. If we learn anything from this election- I hope we learn that our government exists for us, the ordinary folk- not the elites who have taken us to this sorry state of affairs-and that we have to reassert ourselves back into our system of government
Thanks for looking in.
Monday, May 28, 2012
A Racist Joke
I got to Thursday of last week and hadn't settled on a topic for this week. I had a couple of ideas percolating in my head , but nothing was coming together. Late that afternoon I decided to take the dog for a walk to relieve his cabin fever, resulting from a cold rainy week.We took the long route that leads through the play ground of our neighborhood elementary school. School had been out for a couple of hours but a group of eight boys were gathered under the basketball hoops behind the school. They looked to be twelve or thirteen. Several were sitting on bikes, while others were standing there exchanging the usual school-boy B.S. as the dog and I passed. Then something happened that really shook me.
One of the boys just blurted out a racist joke to the group. I'm sure he paid no mind to me being there one way or the other, except that he might have noticed I'm white. But in a loud voice this kid told the following "joke", a term I use advisedly: "what do you call a black guy having sex?" -- "rape!". It stopped me in my tracks. The following exchange then took place verbatim.
I turned to the kid, gave him my best stink-eye and asked "where did you hear that joke?" The kid was a little surprised I was addressing him and said, "what do you mean?" Then I said, "why would you tell a racist joke like that?" Now the kid is starting to squirm a bit and his friends were acting a little sheepish too, when the kid just said, "what's it to you?", feeling a little bravado I guess. I said, "I'm just curious why you would be here on school grounds telling a hateful joke like that". The kid just stared at me, probably not knowing what to say- then one of the boys bounced a basketball as if to signal-we should go. Several others just turned away and the group began to slowly scatter and dissipate without further comment. I continued the stink-eye for a few seconds as the boys moved away -then continued on my walk with the dog. But I couldn't get that ugly joke, or the image of that kid out of my head.
As the dog and I made our way through the neighborhood I was feeling anger towards this young boy. He was old enough to know better than to repeat a terrible, racist joke. But as I thought more about it, I came to realize that it may not have been entirely his fault. It occurred to me the "joke" was so far out of bounds (and hateful) that somewhere along the way that kid heard the joke (or ones like it) from an important adult in his life. I reasoned that exposure to racism somehow gave the kid permission to think it's still acceptable to have that level of racial insensitivity and animus. My feelings turned to pity for that kid instead of anger.
The experience also got me remembering that there was a time when I might have told that kind of joke. Growing up in the late 50's and early sixties racial jokes were more common. I can still recall my own father telling those kinds of jokes. So I tried not to be too judgemental about the kid at the school. But this is no longer the 60's. Racism should no longer be this common- this easily blurted out in public. But there is no denying that racism is alive and well. That kid just proved it to me again.
There were so many things wrong with what that boy said. Aside from being unbelievably un-clever and decidedly un-funny, it is simply an expression of hateful and untruthful stereotyping. It is the heart of bigotry. It says all black men are basically bad- that anything a "black guy " does is criminal- and they are not like us (white folk) by their nature. Thinking more about this incident, I began to reflect on how this might be an outgrowth of the racism that has come to the fore since we elected our first African American President. This monumental achievement is so worthy of praise, given that less than 150 years ago Barrack Obama would have (or could have) been a slave and not even human under our Constitution. Instead, many of our inborn prejudices have been aroused again and brought to the forefront of our conscienceness. In that context, that dumb-ass kid on the playground may just be a reflection of what lurks just below the surface for so many in our country.
I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised to hear that "joke" wafting through the air on the playground. It is clear that racism is thriving, but it is also clear that we, as a nation, have gotten better at it. We have become more sophisticated and more subtle in how we talk the racist talk. We don't dare even utter the N-word. Even in condemning it, we never actually say the word- it is too explosive and offensive. 50 years ago that kid would have told the same joke, but substituted N-word for "black guy". But, it doesn't really change the meaning, does it? The FBI reports that there are well over a thousand white supremacy groups in the US and the number is growing. Consider too, the subtle racism amongst our national "leaders" and it isn't hard to understand how our children reflect the racist tones carried on the subtle, "dog-whistle" phrases of the day.
The 'birther" movement is a good example. Obama was born in the U.S.- Hawaii has verified it, but even today this nonsense doesn't stop. It is another way to say-the black guy in the White House is not like us. Last week a Colorado congressman said just that; "I don't know where he was born, but he's just not an American." The idiot showman Trump made a run for the Presidency based on this racism- and is still touting this foolishness while fundraising for Romney right now. When Obama was in the fight for health care reform, Senator DeMint of South Carolina said they would use the issue "to break him". "Breaking him" is a term used in the old South describing the punishment of an unruly slave- much the way you "break" a mule or a horse. Later that year Rep. Wilson from South Carolina yelled "You Lie!" at the President during an address to a joint session of Congress- then raised funds on his despicable behavior. Wilson showed a level of disrespect unlike any President has ever experienced in that setting. The stereotype was evident- Black people are just liars! Wilson might as well have told the same joke the kid told. Clearly, what gave Wilson permission to act that way towards a sitting President of the United States is the same underlying racism that gave the kid permission on the schoolyard. Rush Limbaugh produced a parody song and repeatedly played it on his show: "Barack the Magic Negro". Not one Republican leader denounced this or countless other racist remarks that air daily on right-wing radio. It's no wonder a kid would tell that ugly joke.
Looking at the rhetoric that is sure to bubble up with greater intensity over the next months of the campaign, I hope we will be mindful to watch out for the increase in racially charged language that will most certainly infiltrate the campaign. Even now we are seeing the subtle language of racism we saw during the Republican primaries. Look at what Gingrich said about "inner city" (read Black) kids. He thought they should all be school janitors because they don't have role models at home with legitimate jobs. Or look at the position of the candidates on Hispanics- shameful stereotypes throughout. Mr. Romney is now saying the President "simply doesn't understand the economy". President Obama is a Harvard Law School grad and past President of the Harvard Law Review- the most prestigious and coveted position for any law student in the country. Yet we are supposed to believe he doesn't possess the intelligence to understand basic economics? Is this part of the subtle stereotyping of intelligence, based on race? I don't know for sure- but I know that exaggerations, inaccuracies and lies are the tools of racism because they foster false stereotypes. And we are seeing these gross inaccuracies more everyday in our politics.
We have not resolved the issue of racism. I have long believed it is our most vexing social issue. But it is more than that. It is also a political and economic issue. Racial issues are part of our fabric as a nation, based on our history as a slave holding country; and that legacy has not been purged from our collective conscienceness yet. The work of overcoming racism is difficult and it is far from done. I was sad and sickened to hear the poison of that infection coming from a boy on the schoolyard. Responsible adults have the absolute duty to confront this and remove it from our childrens' minds and our own. It is the only way to change our people and our country- lest we be destroyed by it.
Thanks for looking in.
One of the boys just blurted out a racist joke to the group. I'm sure he paid no mind to me being there one way or the other, except that he might have noticed I'm white. But in a loud voice this kid told the following "joke", a term I use advisedly: "what do you call a black guy having sex?" -- "rape!". It stopped me in my tracks. The following exchange then took place verbatim.
I turned to the kid, gave him my best stink-eye and asked "where did you hear that joke?" The kid was a little surprised I was addressing him and said, "what do you mean?" Then I said, "why would you tell a racist joke like that?" Now the kid is starting to squirm a bit and his friends were acting a little sheepish too, when the kid just said, "what's it to you?", feeling a little bravado I guess. I said, "I'm just curious why you would be here on school grounds telling a hateful joke like that". The kid just stared at me, probably not knowing what to say- then one of the boys bounced a basketball as if to signal-we should go. Several others just turned away and the group began to slowly scatter and dissipate without further comment. I continued the stink-eye for a few seconds as the boys moved away -then continued on my walk with the dog. But I couldn't get that ugly joke, or the image of that kid out of my head.
As the dog and I made our way through the neighborhood I was feeling anger towards this young boy. He was old enough to know better than to repeat a terrible, racist joke. But as I thought more about it, I came to realize that it may not have been entirely his fault. It occurred to me the "joke" was so far out of bounds (and hateful) that somewhere along the way that kid heard the joke (or ones like it) from an important adult in his life. I reasoned that exposure to racism somehow gave the kid permission to think it's still acceptable to have that level of racial insensitivity and animus. My feelings turned to pity for that kid instead of anger.
The experience also got me remembering that there was a time when I might have told that kind of joke. Growing up in the late 50's and early sixties racial jokes were more common. I can still recall my own father telling those kinds of jokes. So I tried not to be too judgemental about the kid at the school. But this is no longer the 60's. Racism should no longer be this common- this easily blurted out in public. But there is no denying that racism is alive and well. That kid just proved it to me again.
There were so many things wrong with what that boy said. Aside from being unbelievably un-clever and decidedly un-funny, it is simply an expression of hateful and untruthful stereotyping. It is the heart of bigotry. It says all black men are basically bad- that anything a "black guy " does is criminal- and they are not like us (white folk) by their nature. Thinking more about this incident, I began to reflect on how this might be an outgrowth of the racism that has come to the fore since we elected our first African American President. This monumental achievement is so worthy of praise, given that less than 150 years ago Barrack Obama would have (or could have) been a slave and not even human under our Constitution. Instead, many of our inborn prejudices have been aroused again and brought to the forefront of our conscienceness. In that context, that dumb-ass kid on the playground may just be a reflection of what lurks just below the surface for so many in our country.
I suppose I shouldn't have been so surprised to hear that "joke" wafting through the air on the playground. It is clear that racism is thriving, but it is also clear that we, as a nation, have gotten better at it. We have become more sophisticated and more subtle in how we talk the racist talk. We don't dare even utter the N-word. Even in condemning it, we never actually say the word- it is too explosive and offensive. 50 years ago that kid would have told the same joke, but substituted N-word for "black guy". But, it doesn't really change the meaning, does it? The FBI reports that there are well over a thousand white supremacy groups in the US and the number is growing. Consider too, the subtle racism amongst our national "leaders" and it isn't hard to understand how our children reflect the racist tones carried on the subtle, "dog-whistle" phrases of the day.
The 'birther" movement is a good example. Obama was born in the U.S.- Hawaii has verified it, but even today this nonsense doesn't stop. It is another way to say-the black guy in the White House is not like us. Last week a Colorado congressman said just that; "I don't know where he was born, but he's just not an American." The idiot showman Trump made a run for the Presidency based on this racism- and is still touting this foolishness while fundraising for Romney right now. When Obama was in the fight for health care reform, Senator DeMint of South Carolina said they would use the issue "to break him". "Breaking him" is a term used in the old South describing the punishment of an unruly slave- much the way you "break" a mule or a horse. Later that year Rep. Wilson from South Carolina yelled "You Lie!" at the President during an address to a joint session of Congress- then raised funds on his despicable behavior. Wilson showed a level of disrespect unlike any President has ever experienced in that setting. The stereotype was evident- Black people are just liars! Wilson might as well have told the same joke the kid told. Clearly, what gave Wilson permission to act that way towards a sitting President of the United States is the same underlying racism that gave the kid permission on the schoolyard. Rush Limbaugh produced a parody song and repeatedly played it on his show: "Barack the Magic Negro". Not one Republican leader denounced this or countless other racist remarks that air daily on right-wing radio. It's no wonder a kid would tell that ugly joke.
Looking at the rhetoric that is sure to bubble up with greater intensity over the next months of the campaign, I hope we will be mindful to watch out for the increase in racially charged language that will most certainly infiltrate the campaign. Even now we are seeing the subtle language of racism we saw during the Republican primaries. Look at what Gingrich said about "inner city" (read Black) kids. He thought they should all be school janitors because they don't have role models at home with legitimate jobs. Or look at the position of the candidates on Hispanics- shameful stereotypes throughout. Mr. Romney is now saying the President "simply doesn't understand the economy". President Obama is a Harvard Law School grad and past President of the Harvard Law Review- the most prestigious and coveted position for any law student in the country. Yet we are supposed to believe he doesn't possess the intelligence to understand basic economics? Is this part of the subtle stereotyping of intelligence, based on race? I don't know for sure- but I know that exaggerations, inaccuracies and lies are the tools of racism because they foster false stereotypes. And we are seeing these gross inaccuracies more everyday in our politics.
We have not resolved the issue of racism. I have long believed it is our most vexing social issue. But it is more than that. It is also a political and economic issue. Racial issues are part of our fabric as a nation, based on our history as a slave holding country; and that legacy has not been purged from our collective conscienceness yet. The work of overcoming racism is difficult and it is far from done. I was sad and sickened to hear the poison of that infection coming from a boy on the schoolyard. Responsible adults have the absolute duty to confront this and remove it from our childrens' minds and our own. It is the only way to change our people and our country- lest we be destroyed by it.
Thanks for looking in.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Being Civil
Almost 38 years ago I entered into a civil arrangement. The arrangement entitled my partner and I to certain rights and privileges as sanctioned and controlled by law where I live; and most anywhere else I may choose to live in this country-or even other counties. The arrangement entitled us to be considered next-of-kin to one another. As next-of-kin we have the ability under law to make certain decisions for each other, like deciding on critical medical care should one of us be unable to decide these things. This arrangement entitles each of us to claim ownership in half the property acquired by the other. It entitles us to participate in employee benefit programs the other may get. We are also able to claim survivor's benefits from the Social Security Administration if one of us dies. This arrangement provides us with a legal status that prevents other parties from just being able to come into our lives and claim any control over our personal or financial affairs, unless specifically granted by another lawful arrangement. This arrangement gives me much peace of mind, because I know that my life and my partner's life are protected by laws that give us security over matters that pertain to our lives. I take comfort in this arrangement. It has value to me.
My partner in this arrangement and I went through a religious ceremony which was a traditional ritual called a Wedding. We were in a church- family and friends were there. We recited vows. The Officiant was a Priest and when the service was over we still were NOT legally married- such that any of the things I described above were real or in effect. Those things happened a short time later in the Priest's office. It was there we signed the legal Marriage Certificate, with witnesses, and with someone the government had granted permission to manage these marriage documents (the Priest in our case). This is the time we were being civil. Aside from the personal feelings of affection and the religious ritual, this was where the actual marriage took place- a civil matter- sanctioned by the state and regulated by the state. This is the part of marriage the politicians claim forms "the basic building block and foundation of our society and our democracy". The ritual in the church had no legal meaning- that is to say, without the stuff that happened later in the office, the church part wouldn't count for anything, legally. The real marriage, the one that defines families and recognizes marital unions by law could have just as easily (and legally) been completed in a biker-bar or sitting by the pool.
Over the last couple of weeks we have rehashed the old business of gay marriage. I'm jumping in on this because I find it such a compelling social and political issue. As much as the pundits think this upcoming election is only about the economy- I think women's issues and the gay marriage issue will not be going away soon. I'm just convinced that this is a cultural election as a much as it is an economic one. For the record- I favor allowing gay marriage. (big surprise, huh?) I view allowing gay marriage as a civil rights issue based on the benefits I get from legal marriage. And those are a but a few of the major ones. There are a number of other rights and privileges granted to legally married couples- that only come with government sanctioned marriage.
The primary argument against allowing gay marriage is the claim that it would "redefine marriage" in a way that would erode the family. There have been times in our history when we have "redefined" much bigger issues than marriage. We redefined human-ness when we eventually outlawed slavery. Prior to the 13th Amendment slaves were not considered fully human. Our original Constitution designated slaves as only 3/5ths human. In 1920 we redefined basic citizenship by giving women the right to vote. So we can redefine marriage too if we have the will to recognize its current limits as a violation of civil rights. It's what I would call, being civil.
Those who argue that marriage is "traditionally one man and one woman" weren't paying close attention in history class. This is really only a recent condition, and it is not universal around the globe even now.When some folks argue the biblical origins of traditional marriage, I would point out that in biblical times multiple wives were common, arranged marriages were the norm, and most women were sold into marriage- even in the tribes of the ancient Hebrews. There is no one form of marriage. The most prevalent tradition of marriage throughout history is that women generally enjoy a lesser status in marriage than men. Marriages were for convenience- for political gain- they were used to provide tribal harmony amongst rivals- or to mend differences between nations or families. They were most generally used to regulate wealth, property rights and to define family lineage. Pairing off in romantic love was way down the list of reasons people married. We don't show much respect for the sanctity of marriage in this country even now. In this country we currently practice serial (multiple) marriage (i.e. more than one spouse- just one at-a-time) So let's be honest when we make arguments citing tradition. Marriage has always had a fluid definition, and it is continually changing.
Given that marriage confers certain civil rights in our society, I'm having trouble understanding why it is acceptable for some to deny the same civil rights to same-sex partners. Same-sex partners hold jobs, form long loving relationships, and raise children to be productive people. They are for the most part just like everyone else. The only reason I can glean from all the chatter is the religious dogma of some religious groups condemning it, and the bigotry that follows. Some religious leaders claim that permitting same-sex marriage infringes on their rights of religious freedom. What nonsense. No one is even suggesting any religious group honor or participate in rituals or ceremonies for same-sex couples if they object. In religious matters, the existence of other beliefs or practices shouldn't threaten the core of a religion. We must remember that our Constitution provides for freedom OF religion and it provides, with equal force, freedom FROM religion. I would hope most religions would want to practice the art of tolerance and acceptance, since most religious groups have suffered persecution at one time or another. Sadly, that is not the case.
President Obama and Mr. Romney have both stated their position on same-sex marriage. They are vastly different. President Obama favors same-sex marriage- Mr. Romney opposes it. However, they are remarkably the same on one aspect of the debate. Both have said it should be up to the States to decide the matter. I disagree. Any true resolution of this issue must be a national resolution. We cannot have a separate status for the same population depending on the state you're in. No other basic civil right is regulated that way. It's a cop-out to claim States' Rights. Perhaps the late Sen. Robert F. Kennedy said it best:
"States' rights, as our forefathers conceived it, was a protection of the rights of the individual citizen. Those who preach most frequently about States' rights today are not seeking the protection of the individual citizen, but his exploitation.....The time is long past- if indeed it ever existed- when the we should permit the noble concept of States' rights to be betrayed and corrupted into a slogan to hide the bald denial of American rights, of civil rights, and of human rights." (emphasis added)
It is high time we decide to just be civil on this topic and permit gay and lesbian people the same rights afforded the rest of us. I have never heard a cogent argument detailing any harm that could come from allowing same-sex marriage. If there is one, please let me know.The American people favor allowing same-sex marriage (by a small but growing majority). We do more harm to our nation by holding on to this last bastion of bigotry, than we would by simply expanding tolerance and civility. The expansion of human rights is the American tradition of being civil.
Thanks for looking in.
My partner in this arrangement and I went through a religious ceremony which was a traditional ritual called a Wedding. We were in a church- family and friends were there. We recited vows. The Officiant was a Priest and when the service was over we still were NOT legally married- such that any of the things I described above were real or in effect. Those things happened a short time later in the Priest's office. It was there we signed the legal Marriage Certificate, with witnesses, and with someone the government had granted permission to manage these marriage documents (the Priest in our case). This is the time we were being civil. Aside from the personal feelings of affection and the religious ritual, this was where the actual marriage took place- a civil matter- sanctioned by the state and regulated by the state. This is the part of marriage the politicians claim forms "the basic building block and foundation of our society and our democracy". The ritual in the church had no legal meaning- that is to say, without the stuff that happened later in the office, the church part wouldn't count for anything, legally. The real marriage, the one that defines families and recognizes marital unions by law could have just as easily (and legally) been completed in a biker-bar or sitting by the pool.
Over the last couple of weeks we have rehashed the old business of gay marriage. I'm jumping in on this because I find it such a compelling social and political issue. As much as the pundits think this upcoming election is only about the economy- I think women's issues and the gay marriage issue will not be going away soon. I'm just convinced that this is a cultural election as a much as it is an economic one. For the record- I favor allowing gay marriage. (big surprise, huh?) I view allowing gay marriage as a civil rights issue based on the benefits I get from legal marriage. And those are a but a few of the major ones. There are a number of other rights and privileges granted to legally married couples- that only come with government sanctioned marriage.
The primary argument against allowing gay marriage is the claim that it would "redefine marriage" in a way that would erode the family. There have been times in our history when we have "redefined" much bigger issues than marriage. We redefined human-ness when we eventually outlawed slavery. Prior to the 13th Amendment slaves were not considered fully human. Our original Constitution designated slaves as only 3/5ths human. In 1920 we redefined basic citizenship by giving women the right to vote. So we can redefine marriage too if we have the will to recognize its current limits as a violation of civil rights. It's what I would call, being civil.
Those who argue that marriage is "traditionally one man and one woman" weren't paying close attention in history class. This is really only a recent condition, and it is not universal around the globe even now.When some folks argue the biblical origins of traditional marriage, I would point out that in biblical times multiple wives were common, arranged marriages were the norm, and most women were sold into marriage- even in the tribes of the ancient Hebrews. There is no one form of marriage. The most prevalent tradition of marriage throughout history is that women generally enjoy a lesser status in marriage than men. Marriages were for convenience- for political gain- they were used to provide tribal harmony amongst rivals- or to mend differences between nations or families. They were most generally used to regulate wealth, property rights and to define family lineage. Pairing off in romantic love was way down the list of reasons people married. We don't show much respect for the sanctity of marriage in this country even now. In this country we currently practice serial (multiple) marriage (i.e. more than one spouse- just one at-a-time) So let's be honest when we make arguments citing tradition. Marriage has always had a fluid definition, and it is continually changing.
Given that marriage confers certain civil rights in our society, I'm having trouble understanding why it is acceptable for some to deny the same civil rights to same-sex partners. Same-sex partners hold jobs, form long loving relationships, and raise children to be productive people. They are for the most part just like everyone else. The only reason I can glean from all the chatter is the religious dogma of some religious groups condemning it, and the bigotry that follows. Some religious leaders claim that permitting same-sex marriage infringes on their rights of religious freedom. What nonsense. No one is even suggesting any religious group honor or participate in rituals or ceremonies for same-sex couples if they object. In religious matters, the existence of other beliefs or practices shouldn't threaten the core of a religion. We must remember that our Constitution provides for freedom OF religion and it provides, with equal force, freedom FROM religion. I would hope most religions would want to practice the art of tolerance and acceptance, since most religious groups have suffered persecution at one time or another. Sadly, that is not the case.
President Obama and Mr. Romney have both stated their position on same-sex marriage. They are vastly different. President Obama favors same-sex marriage- Mr. Romney opposes it. However, they are remarkably the same on one aspect of the debate. Both have said it should be up to the States to decide the matter. I disagree. Any true resolution of this issue must be a national resolution. We cannot have a separate status for the same population depending on the state you're in. No other basic civil right is regulated that way. It's a cop-out to claim States' Rights. Perhaps the late Sen. Robert F. Kennedy said it best:
"States' rights, as our forefathers conceived it, was a protection of the rights of the individual citizen. Those who preach most frequently about States' rights today are not seeking the protection of the individual citizen, but his exploitation.....The time is long past- if indeed it ever existed- when the we should permit the noble concept of States' rights to be betrayed and corrupted into a slogan to hide the bald denial of American rights, of civil rights, and of human rights." (emphasis added)
It is high time we decide to just be civil on this topic and permit gay and lesbian people the same rights afforded the rest of us. I have never heard a cogent argument detailing any harm that could come from allowing same-sex marriage. If there is one, please let me know.The American people favor allowing same-sex marriage (by a small but growing majority). We do more harm to our nation by holding on to this last bastion of bigotry, than we would by simply expanding tolerance and civility. The expansion of human rights is the American tradition of being civil.
Thanks for looking in.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
The Mothers In Our Family
I live in a family dominated by women. Perhaps that isn't exactly accurate anymore-counting my sons-in-law and the grandsons we have now. My wife and I had two daughters- and my two daughters' generation were entirely girls on my wife's side of our extended family. Seeing all these girls in the family and watching them grow up to be parents themselves has given me some perspective on the issue of motherhood. I don't claim to understand it entirely, but I have grown to admire the mother's role more and more, and appreciate the power of motherhood. More specifically I have grown to appreciate the mothers in our family.
As much as I know and love the women who were mothers and grandmothers to me as I was growing up, I'm focusing on the women from my wife's side of the family. My grandmothers and my mom have long passed away, and I want this essay to speak to the on-going legacy of motherhood that forms the chain of loving continuity in our family. I take my role as a father very seriously and I know the importance of fathers, but as I reflected on the strength of this family I know it is the women- the mothers- who provide the strong core of our family.
Generational motherhood is ever-present. Up until just a few years ago we had the experience of having five generations of women present in this family. It started with my wife Lee's great-grandmother being a big part of her life and upbringing. Francesca was an Italian immigrant who came here to found the family in this country along with her husband Enrico. When our kids came along (with their cousins) we took great pains to make sure the five-generation pictures were taken at every occasion. But the five-generation situation was more than just a photo op, it served as a template for mothering. It demonstrated that motherhood is a special skill that is best taught and passed on from one generation to the next. When our grandchildren arrived, the family once again had the privilege of five generations- but that too has passed now. Having spent my professional career working with sub-par moms in the child welfare arena I can attest that bad mothering can be generational too. So, I never underestimate the influence of prior generations in creating good moms. In fact, it's an essential ingredient.
My wife's grandmother and great-grandmother each have a unique story that is worth telling in detail, but this is a blog not a book, so I'll just say these women had great strengths and skills as mothers. Those generations were a microcosm of the changes for women in this country over the last century, as women's roles went from being the immigrant farm wife and mother, to being the mother and woman working outside the home. This huge social change can be tracked perfectly in the women of our family. Lee's mom, Ellie, was really the first of the mothers in our family to be employed full-time while being a full-time mother. She is retired and in her eighties now but remains a major influence in the lives of her three children. She experienced a troubled first marriage (with the kids' dad) but used that experience to impart an important lesson to her children. The lesson was to be self-sufficient. She taught her two daughters that being a mother meant being dedicated to your children in every way possible- including being able to support and provide for them- on your own, if you have to. She is an example of the hard working woman who was able to balance the needs of her children while holding down a job or even being a business owner.
That brings me to my wife Lee and her journey through motherhood. I first sensed the power of motherhood about a year after we were married. We got married young (both of us age 20). After about a year of marriage Lee started having very strong feelings about having a child. Our financial situation wasn't the best for starting a family, but I learned very quickly about the biological drive some women feel to have a baby. So we had a baby. Lesson one: the pull of motherhood is stronger than me- and just about everything else too. I didn't object at the time- nonetheless I got the point. And things worked out OK-having our first daughter at age 22. (I mean, are you ever really prepared enough?- No.)
We moved, we worked, we got a house and did all things young parents do. About two years later we had our second child. We decided then that two kids would be about right for us. Those first years of parenting were years of real joy and real learning for both of us, as young parents. However, to be honest, it was Lee who shouldered most of the work of nurturing our children in those critical first years of life. Even though I tried hard to be a good father, there were times when only Lee had the magic touch to soothe a crying baby. Lesson two: "only mama" is a real thing. Mothers can connect with babies on a level most men can never achieve.
It was during those years that I noticed the women in the family instinctively sought out and knew just when to share the common experience of being a mother. We are a complex species and I think it's safe to say that not everything in mothering (or parenting in general) is totally instinctive. Most of it is taught. And our family was very fortunate to have so many seasoned teachers (mothers) among us. Many times I can recall Lee calling or talking to her mother, grandmother, or older sister about the art of mothering. Even in the event of differing opinions and generational differences a valuable lesson could always be found. Lesson three: There is no substitute for the collective wisdom of mothers.
As our kids grew a bit older, Lee's mothering activities moved her into being with many other mothers at a Parent Cooperative Preschool. This was a place where young mom's (and some dads) learned to provide high level early childhood education to their children under the guidance and supervision of a Master Educator. This experience sowed the seeds of her life's work. Growing from this simple involvement with our children by participating in their early education, Lee has become one of the leading Early Childhood Educators in the state. Lee kept advancing her own education and prowess as our kids were growing until she finished her AA, then her Bachelors degree in Education, and finally her Masters in Early Childhood Education. She was an elementary teacher, a Director of a Child Care Resource and Referral agency, a Regional Child Care Licencing Director, an Early Childhood Education Director of a large school district, and a now the Director of a major Child and Family Center, as well as being a sought-after professional consultant on Child Care. She has a great career as you can see- but what is interesting is that this is all an outgrowth of her interest in being a good mother.
The positive effects of Lee's life as a mother, an educator, and now a grandmother are showing up in our children and grandchildren. I have written in other entries about our two daughters and our pride in the kind of people they've turned out be. Their mom was an outstanding role model for them in all categories of their lives. They witnessed, from a very young age, how hard Lee worked to get her education. They too have gone on to higher education, with both of the girls obtaining college degrees. They watched as Lee entered her profession and excelled, just as they are both excelling in their chosen professions. But what is most remarkable to see is the way both of our daughters have blossomed as parents. Erin is an outstanding mother (and step-mother to her husband's son). She is one of the most attentive and affectionate mom's I've ever seen. She puts my parenting skills to shame. In spite of her lofty career demands she and her husband Landon go out of their way to make sure her kids have a happy home life and the best education available to them. Emily is such a great parent too. Her natural warmth and affection is showered on her children. Emily has dedicated herself to the delicate (and often difficult) balancing act of a demanding profession and the amazing job she's doing raising her kids. Emily has just returned to work after having her new baby daughter in January. She and her husband Jake have created a great environment and arrangement to make sure their kids are growing and developing just as they should. The dedication to their kids is amazing- and though I might be a little biased, Emily and Erin's children are all just great kids.
Mother's Day is a fitting time to tell you about the mothers in our family. I'm obviously very proud to be part of a family that enjoys this legacy of motherhood. I have every confidence the legacy will continue on, and that some day our two granddaughters (Zoe and Kaya) will carry on the tradition of great mothering, with guidance from the generations that came before them . I also hope our grandsons (Jaydn, Micah and Ben) will form their families with women who possess these wonderful traits. There is tremendous variety in the paths women take on the journey to, and through motherhood; and each choice is worthy of our respect. But thanks for letting me tell you about the path of women in our family. Happy Mothers Day to all mothers and their families- and a very special Happy Mothers Day (and thank you) to the mothers in our family.
Thanks for looking in.
As much as I know and love the women who were mothers and grandmothers to me as I was growing up, I'm focusing on the women from my wife's side of the family. My grandmothers and my mom have long passed away, and I want this essay to speak to the on-going legacy of motherhood that forms the chain of loving continuity in our family. I take my role as a father very seriously and I know the importance of fathers, but as I reflected on the strength of this family I know it is the women- the mothers- who provide the strong core of our family.
Generational motherhood is ever-present. Up until just a few years ago we had the experience of having five generations of women present in this family. It started with my wife Lee's great-grandmother being a big part of her life and upbringing. Francesca was an Italian immigrant who came here to found the family in this country along with her husband Enrico. When our kids came along (with their cousins) we took great pains to make sure the five-generation pictures were taken at every occasion. But the five-generation situation was more than just a photo op, it served as a template for mothering. It demonstrated that motherhood is a special skill that is best taught and passed on from one generation to the next. When our grandchildren arrived, the family once again had the privilege of five generations- but that too has passed now. Having spent my professional career working with sub-par moms in the child welfare arena I can attest that bad mothering can be generational too. So, I never underestimate the influence of prior generations in creating good moms. In fact, it's an essential ingredient.
My wife's grandmother and great-grandmother each have a unique story that is worth telling in detail, but this is a blog not a book, so I'll just say these women had great strengths and skills as mothers. Those generations were a microcosm of the changes for women in this country over the last century, as women's roles went from being the immigrant farm wife and mother, to being the mother and woman working outside the home. This huge social change can be tracked perfectly in the women of our family. Lee's mom, Ellie, was really the first of the mothers in our family to be employed full-time while being a full-time mother. She is retired and in her eighties now but remains a major influence in the lives of her three children. She experienced a troubled first marriage (with the kids' dad) but used that experience to impart an important lesson to her children. The lesson was to be self-sufficient. She taught her two daughters that being a mother meant being dedicated to your children in every way possible- including being able to support and provide for them- on your own, if you have to. She is an example of the hard working woman who was able to balance the needs of her children while holding down a job or even being a business owner.
That brings me to my wife Lee and her journey through motherhood. I first sensed the power of motherhood about a year after we were married. We got married young (both of us age 20). After about a year of marriage Lee started having very strong feelings about having a child. Our financial situation wasn't the best for starting a family, but I learned very quickly about the biological drive some women feel to have a baby. So we had a baby. Lesson one: the pull of motherhood is stronger than me- and just about everything else too. I didn't object at the time- nonetheless I got the point. And things worked out OK-having our first daughter at age 22. (I mean, are you ever really prepared enough?- No.)
We moved, we worked, we got a house and did all things young parents do. About two years later we had our second child. We decided then that two kids would be about right for us. Those first years of parenting were years of real joy and real learning for both of us, as young parents. However, to be honest, it was Lee who shouldered most of the work of nurturing our children in those critical first years of life. Even though I tried hard to be a good father, there were times when only Lee had the magic touch to soothe a crying baby. Lesson two: "only mama" is a real thing. Mothers can connect with babies on a level most men can never achieve.
It was during those years that I noticed the women in the family instinctively sought out and knew just when to share the common experience of being a mother. We are a complex species and I think it's safe to say that not everything in mothering (or parenting in general) is totally instinctive. Most of it is taught. And our family was very fortunate to have so many seasoned teachers (mothers) among us. Many times I can recall Lee calling or talking to her mother, grandmother, or older sister about the art of mothering. Even in the event of differing opinions and generational differences a valuable lesson could always be found. Lesson three: There is no substitute for the collective wisdom of mothers.
As our kids grew a bit older, Lee's mothering activities moved her into being with many other mothers at a Parent Cooperative Preschool. This was a place where young mom's (and some dads) learned to provide high level early childhood education to their children under the guidance and supervision of a Master Educator. This experience sowed the seeds of her life's work. Growing from this simple involvement with our children by participating in their early education, Lee has become one of the leading Early Childhood Educators in the state. Lee kept advancing her own education and prowess as our kids were growing until she finished her AA, then her Bachelors degree in Education, and finally her Masters in Early Childhood Education. She was an elementary teacher, a Director of a Child Care Resource and Referral agency, a Regional Child Care Licencing Director, an Early Childhood Education Director of a large school district, and a now the Director of a major Child and Family Center, as well as being a sought-after professional consultant on Child Care. She has a great career as you can see- but what is interesting is that this is all an outgrowth of her interest in being a good mother.
The positive effects of Lee's life as a mother, an educator, and now a grandmother are showing up in our children and grandchildren. I have written in other entries about our two daughters and our pride in the kind of people they've turned out be. Their mom was an outstanding role model for them in all categories of their lives. They witnessed, from a very young age, how hard Lee worked to get her education. They too have gone on to higher education, with both of the girls obtaining college degrees. They watched as Lee entered her profession and excelled, just as they are both excelling in their chosen professions. But what is most remarkable to see is the way both of our daughters have blossomed as parents. Erin is an outstanding mother (and step-mother to her husband's son). She is one of the most attentive and affectionate mom's I've ever seen. She puts my parenting skills to shame. In spite of her lofty career demands she and her husband Landon go out of their way to make sure her kids have a happy home life and the best education available to them. Emily is such a great parent too. Her natural warmth and affection is showered on her children. Emily has dedicated herself to the delicate (and often difficult) balancing act of a demanding profession and the amazing job she's doing raising her kids. Emily has just returned to work after having her new baby daughter in January. She and her husband Jake have created a great environment and arrangement to make sure their kids are growing and developing just as they should. The dedication to their kids is amazing- and though I might be a little biased, Emily and Erin's children are all just great kids.
Mother's Day is a fitting time to tell you about the mothers in our family. I'm obviously very proud to be part of a family that enjoys this legacy of motherhood. I have every confidence the legacy will continue on, and that some day our two granddaughters (Zoe and Kaya) will carry on the tradition of great mothering, with guidance from the generations that came before them . I also hope our grandsons (Jaydn, Micah and Ben) will form their families with women who possess these wonderful traits. There is tremendous variety in the paths women take on the journey to, and through motherhood; and each choice is worthy of our respect. But thanks for letting me tell you about the path of women in our family. Happy Mothers Day to all mothers and their families- and a very special Happy Mothers Day (and thank you) to the mothers in our family.
Thanks for looking in.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Contrasting Impacts
Last week I saw an opinion piece from the Washington Post by Dana Milbank. He wrote about "Our Do-Almost-Nothing Congress". Milbank wrote this short piece about the 112th Congress (now in session) and the fact they've done practically nothing. He contrasted today's Congress with the famous Congress of 1947-1948. You history buffs will recall that Truman won an unlikely victory in 1948 running against a "Do Nothing" Congress. Well, the do-nothing Congress of Truman's day is miles ahead of the 112th. According to the record, Milbank points out The Do-Nothing Congress of 1947 passed 908 public laws. So far, the 112th Congress (which is about 3/4's over) has passed just 106 public laws. The House has taken 195 roll-call votes on about 60 total pieces of legislation. Here's the really pathetic part. Those 60 big items include the naming of Post Offices and this amazing set of accomplishments:
-The Mark Twain Commemorative Coin Act
-The Sportsman's Heritage Act of 2012
-The World War II Memorial Prayer Act
-The Permanent Electronic Duck Stamp Act
-Legislation requiring the Treasury to mint coins commemorating the 225th anniversary of the U.S. Marshals Service.
Mr. Milbank points out that this Congress has only officially been in session 41 of the last 127 days. They only are scheduled to work 17 on the last 34 weeks remaining in this session. This Congress is on track to be the worst, most ineffectual Congress in memory. As people in this country struggle to make it in a down economy- as they struggle to pay the bills and pay for college for their kids, you have to ask yourself, "what are these people doing?". This Congress has the lowest approval rate since we started keeping track- because they've earned it.
Why is this deplorable situation is happening? There are a number of factors in my view. The House is now under Republican leadership and the leadership simply isn't able control its own members. The new ultra-conservative members that took office after the 2010 election are so conservative they refuse to cooperate with their own party leadership. Poor Speaker Boehner won't schedule any bills for a vote because he doesn't know how his own party will vote and he would be embarrassed to have a mutiny on his watch.The only bills he can get through are bills and budget proposals so far to the right that the Senate (even some Republicans in the Senate) won't pass them.. Another factor is the very clear tactic of not passing any legislation that would be helpful to the People, for fear the People would give some credit to the President. To illustrate this point just remember the (usually routine) National Debt Ceiling vote that nearly defaulted the nation, and the usually bipartisan Transportation Bill (a Jobs Bill) that still hasn't been passed in the House. They have crafted a very transparent and effective strategy of doing nothing, then blaming the President. Some have argued that Speaker Boehner just isn't a very good Speaker. I think that's true. But, both parties share the blame because the atmosphere is now so poisoned by partisan hatred that civility and governance are practically impossible. In the Senate, Republicans have used the filibuster to thwart every bill that the President supports. To be fair there is still plenty of bluster amidst all this inaction. Congressman and women spend more time in front of a cable news channel cameras than they do in session- with the Republicans complaining about the President and the Democrats complaining about the Republicans. Meanwhile nobody is legislating. In a time like this it is so troubling to see our Congress do nothing, while collecting big money and benefits, and being on vacation more than half the time.
Sometimes just when I need it- just when things seem so disheartening and dysfunctional an event will come along to lift my spirits and make me believe there is still plenty of reason for hope. Last Friday night was one of those times. I had the privilege to sit down to dinner with about 450 staff and supporters from Catholic Charities Spokane. Catholic Charities Spokane is an amazing organization. They are the largest charitable and social service agency in Eastern Washington. Each year Catholic Charities touches the lives of 77,000 individuals by providing a variety of services to the poor, the homeless, the disenfranchised- as well as providing excellent early childhood education, refugee services, and housing programs. Catholic Charities provides these services by working with Government and private funding sources to cover an amazing range of human needs. Their leaders and staff employ a simple set of guiding principles and a mission that speaks eloquently to the dignity of all people (including the poor) and the pursuit of social justice. Those who are helped by Catholic Charities span the whole range of religions or no religion at all. They provide services based "on need-not creed" as they say. A truly special part of last Friday's dinner and Gala was that on that night Catholic Charities Spokane was celebrating it's Centennial-100 years of working for the betterment of those in need, and the betterment of our community.
It was an uplifting experience to be sure. But, it also made me wonder why this organization can dedicate itself to this work and have such an enormous positive impact, while those we elect to lead and guide us seem so inept at achieving even the simplest deeds on behalf of our wounded nation. I think the answer lies in the concept of service. The people of Catholic Charities have a true dedication to those they serve and the mission under which they provide services. In other words, they mean what they say and the live out the purpose for their existence. Contrast that to today's politicians who wrap themselves in the flag of patriotism as they stand before us at the 4th of July Community Picnic to tell us how they are honored to serve us-when in fact those in Congress seem to have a dedication only to themselves and the continuous quest for political power and the money that follows it.
This idea of service-and community, are profound ideas. For me, these ideas and values go straight to the heart of what a society and a culture are for. I left Friday's event thinking of the huge gulf between the impact Catholic Charities is having, compared to the sickly, sad, and disheartening impact our leaders in Congress are having. It seem that those who so sincerely court our votes, promising to SERVE us in Congress, have no intention of SERVING once they get there. The politics of power and control rule the day. For example take the simple matter of the Lilly Ledbetter Law. This was President Obama's first piece of proposed legislation. It proposes equal pay for equal work between men and women. Almost every Republican in the House voted against it (Including my Representative- Cathy McMorris-Rodgers). Now I ask, what could wrong with equal pay for equal work? Are people for unequal pay for equal work? No! But, Republicans voted against it because it was supported by the President. The politics of power and greed have robbed those in Congress of their sense of service to the people who put them there-along with a fair measure of common sense.
In one week I saw two clear examples of organizations that are worlds apart in there ability to serve the people their mission demands they serve. The Congress could take a valuable lesson from the people of Catholic Charities. They would serve the country much better if they could just get past the quest for power and do the simple things that make life better for the People they represent. A dose of common sense and humility among those who SERVE the nation would do two things: it would produce actual legislation; and it would infuse our lawmakers with a spirit to serve again. There are many examples of people and organizations that remain true to their purpose and show through their actions that they will serve and care for their fellow man. I wish Congress had the same convictions about service that our friends at Catholic Charities have. Our world would be better for it.
Thanks for looking in.
-The Mark Twain Commemorative Coin Act
-The Sportsman's Heritage Act of 2012
-The World War II Memorial Prayer Act
-The Permanent Electronic Duck Stamp Act
-Legislation requiring the Treasury to mint coins commemorating the 225th anniversary of the U.S. Marshals Service.
Mr. Milbank points out that this Congress has only officially been in session 41 of the last 127 days. They only are scheduled to work 17 on the last 34 weeks remaining in this session. This Congress is on track to be the worst, most ineffectual Congress in memory. As people in this country struggle to make it in a down economy- as they struggle to pay the bills and pay for college for their kids, you have to ask yourself, "what are these people doing?". This Congress has the lowest approval rate since we started keeping track- because they've earned it.
Why is this deplorable situation is happening? There are a number of factors in my view. The House is now under Republican leadership and the leadership simply isn't able control its own members. The new ultra-conservative members that took office after the 2010 election are so conservative they refuse to cooperate with their own party leadership. Poor Speaker Boehner won't schedule any bills for a vote because he doesn't know how his own party will vote and he would be embarrassed to have a mutiny on his watch.The only bills he can get through are bills and budget proposals so far to the right that the Senate (even some Republicans in the Senate) won't pass them.. Another factor is the very clear tactic of not passing any legislation that would be helpful to the People, for fear the People would give some credit to the President. To illustrate this point just remember the (usually routine) National Debt Ceiling vote that nearly defaulted the nation, and the usually bipartisan Transportation Bill (a Jobs Bill) that still hasn't been passed in the House. They have crafted a very transparent and effective strategy of doing nothing, then blaming the President. Some have argued that Speaker Boehner just isn't a very good Speaker. I think that's true. But, both parties share the blame because the atmosphere is now so poisoned by partisan hatred that civility and governance are practically impossible. In the Senate, Republicans have used the filibuster to thwart every bill that the President supports. To be fair there is still plenty of bluster amidst all this inaction. Congressman and women spend more time in front of a cable news channel cameras than they do in session- with the Republicans complaining about the President and the Democrats complaining about the Republicans. Meanwhile nobody is legislating. In a time like this it is so troubling to see our Congress do nothing, while collecting big money and benefits, and being on vacation more than half the time.
Sometimes just when I need it- just when things seem so disheartening and dysfunctional an event will come along to lift my spirits and make me believe there is still plenty of reason for hope. Last Friday night was one of those times. I had the privilege to sit down to dinner with about 450 staff and supporters from Catholic Charities Spokane. Catholic Charities Spokane is an amazing organization. They are the largest charitable and social service agency in Eastern Washington. Each year Catholic Charities touches the lives of 77,000 individuals by providing a variety of services to the poor, the homeless, the disenfranchised- as well as providing excellent early childhood education, refugee services, and housing programs. Catholic Charities provides these services by working with Government and private funding sources to cover an amazing range of human needs. Their leaders and staff employ a simple set of guiding principles and a mission that speaks eloquently to the dignity of all people (including the poor) and the pursuit of social justice. Those who are helped by Catholic Charities span the whole range of religions or no religion at all. They provide services based "on need-not creed" as they say. A truly special part of last Friday's dinner and Gala was that on that night Catholic Charities Spokane was celebrating it's Centennial-100 years of working for the betterment of those in need, and the betterment of our community.
It was an uplifting experience to be sure. But, it also made me wonder why this organization can dedicate itself to this work and have such an enormous positive impact, while those we elect to lead and guide us seem so inept at achieving even the simplest deeds on behalf of our wounded nation. I think the answer lies in the concept of service. The people of Catholic Charities have a true dedication to those they serve and the mission under which they provide services. In other words, they mean what they say and the live out the purpose for their existence. Contrast that to today's politicians who wrap themselves in the flag of patriotism as they stand before us at the 4th of July Community Picnic to tell us how they are honored to serve us-when in fact those in Congress seem to have a dedication only to themselves and the continuous quest for political power and the money that follows it.
This idea of service-and community, are profound ideas. For me, these ideas and values go straight to the heart of what a society and a culture are for. I left Friday's event thinking of the huge gulf between the impact Catholic Charities is having, compared to the sickly, sad, and disheartening impact our leaders in Congress are having. It seem that those who so sincerely court our votes, promising to SERVE us in Congress, have no intention of SERVING once they get there. The politics of power and control rule the day. For example take the simple matter of the Lilly Ledbetter Law. This was President Obama's first piece of proposed legislation. It proposes equal pay for equal work between men and women. Almost every Republican in the House voted against it (Including my Representative- Cathy McMorris-Rodgers). Now I ask, what could wrong with equal pay for equal work? Are people for unequal pay for equal work? No! But, Republicans voted against it because it was supported by the President. The politics of power and greed have robbed those in Congress of their sense of service to the people who put them there-along with a fair measure of common sense.
In one week I saw two clear examples of organizations that are worlds apart in there ability to serve the people their mission demands they serve. The Congress could take a valuable lesson from the people of Catholic Charities. They would serve the country much better if they could just get past the quest for power and do the simple things that make life better for the People they represent. A dose of common sense and humility among those who SERVE the nation would do two things: it would produce actual legislation; and it would infuse our lawmakers with a spirit to serve again. There are many examples of people and organizations that remain true to their purpose and show through their actions that they will serve and care for their fellow man. I wish Congress had the same convictions about service that our friends at Catholic Charities have. Our world would be better for it.
Thanks for looking in.
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